oh found this unfinish post :D

We met at the most unexpected moment and looking back at those times, it always brings out a magical feeling. It was like destiny is happening right before us. But that was 3 years and 8 months ago. Though we just met online, we fell in love. Knowing your culture and upbringing, it feels more than magic. I was so blessed to have you though were far apart. You made me feel so loved each day and we started dreaming together. You've been a friend to me and I know how much you tried being here for me but your health and your hospital bills are stopping you. Your health means so much to me so, I understand all of it and I told myself I could wait for you. But now, everything is just so hard to contain. I've destroyed your trust in me and I know you dont love me the same anymore because of that. I wanna let you know that I understand every angle of it. That you are scared to get hurt again because of your past, and that you dont wanna be fooled at. I am so sorry, I admit it, I gave in to temptations but i didnt do them to hurt you. I did them because just like you, and just like anybody else, I fall short, I could commit mistakes anytime and could give in to temptations but , I did them because I wanna experience how it is. Because I am curious and I wanted you to know that I've been having inner struggles in our relationship for 3 years. I've been so insecure, scared and I've been patiently waiting. I know it sounds so selfish of me but I just wanted to know if i also deserve the things that a girl ought to experience when being loved by the person that she also love. This is not me complaining but, I just wanted you to know that it is also not healthy for us to just wait this long. I get so insecure and I wake up each morning worrying about you.