happy-ness and sad-ness

Why is it that it's so hard to write about being happy and too easy to write about the sad, lonely ones? Maybe because happiness is very hard to contain; and sadness is just too hard to ignore because it lingers, it kills us everyday.

gotta read

made me cry

my battle

There are times that I do things without really thinking at all. I didn't get the SME post at work. And to my surprise, I left a little bit feeling wrecked. Before and during the application I didn't think much about it because I'm on a 50/50 status about the new role. Half of myself wants to get it to satisfy my sense of pride. Yes, my pride. I don't have problems taking in calls every night but the thought of seeing other people not taking in calls creates endless of bubbles made of envy and they; believe me, keeps on passing right in front of my very eyes. It annoys me and I wanted to plunk them hard so that they will disappear on my eyesight. But, of course I don't hate my friends at work. They deserve the post but I think I deserve it too and too bad for me coz they can't see it. other half of myself doesnt want to get the post because for the simple fact that I don't like the management. I never liked them. And not liking them is another story that I could write for a day. Anyway, to make it short, I was confuse. But now that I didn't get the post, I lost all my reasons to work. I don't feel like working any longer. I didn't expect that there'd be more confusion after this; but quitting work anytime soon this year would open up a new world for me. This feeling of confusion is a blessing though because I know I got alot of options. But what I wanted to do is to put up a business and for a while stop working as an employee or I can also take advantage of my teaching profession now that I am licensed to teach and pave years of teaching experience so that I can work overseas and so that I can travel.

But behind all of these, im trying to learn from my mistakes. That, One you can get what your heart has desired only for the right reasons and two, that it's never healthy to compare yourself to someone because it will do nothing but hurt you. And whose to blame? no need to look around because its you. Its easier said and done but reflections such as this can make you become better. I do hope that by God's grace and mercy, He will enlighten me and in return, eventually, I would get to see how beautiful I am as a person.

I love you God.

dear blog

i miss u so much :(