tired

I've been feeling so tired lately. Been sick and been confused...

I wish i can just crashed in to someone's bed right now and sleep because the thought of going home is agony. The day at work today is very exhausting though i thank God that I was able to manage it

it froze

I wish I could elude whatever feelings that wrapped me right now. I wish I would know how it must have really and genuinely felt when Mike sent me an email. I know "this" guy who just came along (a week before Mike graduates) is nothing but a diversion but im caught up with everything. I know that there are things that i indeed had ask for. I remember i was asking for someone to come along to fill in what's been missing. I love Mike but im guilty because I dont want to hurt anybody but if i let go of "this" , i'd be back in misery and loneliness missing Mike. I know im being selfish but somewhere deep down inside, i felt bad because i feel like im using him; and he doesnt deserve it. I miss Mike so much but i feel so bad deep inside. I dont want to lose Mike, not this time but if i tell him about it, i know he will not understand :(

remember

i got in early today at work because i went to SM to buy a necklace for my sister and for myself. I finally bought a necklace and wear mike's pendant with me. Whenever i wear it, i feel like he is with me even when he is not. I so damn miss him so much and i hope in the next two weeks i would hear from him soon!!!! Im kind of excited because i really dont know what im feeling here inside. I suppress emotions or its more of like keeping myself so damn busy so that i cant think of him that much but it permeates no matter what and i know he must have been feeling the same way. Im just excited to hear from him and surprisingly, im not that mindful of the future anymore. What matters is now and the next 2 weeks and thats it...

fighting over my feelings

Even feelings should be validated. Sometimes, they become so strong that you find urself losing ur own battle. I know i shouldnt feel something for him because its not the right thing to do. Honestly, im trying to put things in a logical order because i dont want myself hurting and assuming something that is not really happening. I feel so stupid having to admit that i dont wanna fall for him because i know he is just looking for fun and i agreed "having fun" with him but oh ney ney... i know i shouldnt be given much thought of him... and i did. and i know i should get out as soon as possible... I'l do it before everything goes wrong i guess....