i always get this terrible feeling. like, i feel like im so alone. no one is really gunna be there for me. My mother has an affair, my sister is busy wit work and her boyf and my friends are rich and they can just hang out sumwer they like. im so stuck here and i feel like i have to get away from here. I really wanna go somewhere far and just leave things behind. Mike said, he is my future, but that is even bleak. i'm holding on to him coz the thought of him makes me strong. coz i am hopeful. but i just realized that i just love the idea of him. im not even sure if i love him. or im not sure wut it means to love. i think im bound to be single. like, there's no one for me and i have to embrace it and just be happy bout it. that, i should start accepting things and set aside bitterness and start having a wonderful and contented life. after all, nothing could complete me but me. im just scared of the thought that no one will treat me like how gfs are treated. no one will appreciate me. no one will make me feel that i am beautiful. no one will waste their time on me. i got no one and i should accept it.
i wanna forget my life here. im gunna strive hard. i will stop feeling scared and dependent to my feelings and expectations that someone will treat me like their queen. that was all a dream, a fairytale. i gotta say goodbye to my utopian dream and say hello with the harsh reality that im bound to be single and alone...
