typhoon Ondoy

then this tragedy painfully etched something in my heart :( im very much devastated. I wanted to be thankful that it didnt hit Cebu but even that fact didnt compensate the pain in my heart seeing people suffer... having to imagine the great loss, not just for their properties but for their loved ones. I cant bear the thought of starting all over again... of seeing everything wrecked and all in mud. Of not knowing where to start... of being strong enough not to lose the hope...

it made me realize that my problems are nothing compared to those people who were hit by the typhoon. And there are alot of reasons for us to celebrate life amidst this tragedy if only we are brave enough to put all of these in a positive stride.

I saw the brotherhood and willingness of fellow Filipinos to help. The donations are overwhelming and it somehow soothe this wounded heart of mine. I pray to God that we can all recover and will treat this tragedy as a test to each of our faith... i know its easier said than done... but i wanted to keep it that way...

wednesday

Nothing really special but i miss blogging. I should blog the last time Force Majuere went out. That was last Saturday. It was all cool and fun. We ate at a buffet place and food was okay. After dinner, we hang out at Maxim and there we drink. Mitch, Sup and Ralf decided to get tequilla while i settle for Gilbeys. What's cool about the place is that, its not crowded and i love the dim light. Its just cozy and best thing is the acoustic singer to give life at that bar.

here are some pics!

This is with Mitch! This girl loves tequilla. lol.. ALOT!

That is me...

... and i started singing. (im not drunk, i just felt like singing at that time:) and due to demand as well) haha

CRAZY FOR YOU (me being crazy!)

After we hit maxim, we went to YO.U at Mango and there Sup, Ralph and Mitch getting drunk. They are not bad when they're drunk which is a good thing. They dont look like drunk at all.. which is very very cool. I dont need to drag anyone because they are very responsible and yeah, im with people who are older than me. Its so nice being with them since Mitch, Sup and I are in a long distance relationship and we kinda understand each other. They are all very mature too. One thing i learned that night was that, Ralf is really married. Whoah, good for him. LOL

All in all, i love that day even if i dont have enough sleep. Its worth it. One thing that made it fun is because my enemy MARK CABANLIT aka ELIJAH! was there! haha..

well anyway, im gunna go to sleep now. im so tired from work and I know mike wont send me an email :(
but i wish he would :( :(

my future plans

I feel like gettin a year of experience at BPO. I was really hoping that I get to be regularized. Now i know what i want. I wanna save money to buy laptop. Then after that, Im gunna save for my education. I wanted to get more education units. so like after a year, i wanna work in a preschool or kindergarten and at the same time, i hope i can go to school. I wanna be independent and most of all, i want to reach my ultimate dream. To live my life on my own in a foreign place. I dont know how its gunna be like but its all i really really wanted. I hope God will always be with me.

And i know, i have to come up with a future on my own coz Mike also needs time to stabilized. He wanted to go to Airforce and he needs ample of time to finish school, not to mention he wanted to take medicine after engineering. I know he really wanted it. So, i'd be very much happy to see him fulfill his dreams as well.

I just hope someday, we can both reach our dreams together. One of my dreams is to be with him and i know, it will come true. Im just so positive about it! Goodluck to me! I know there are alot of reasons to feel lucky about. I have my family, I have Mike whom i know loves me so much even if were too far from each other and onbe lucky fact is that I have a job. I know i dont give something back to my parents but im not asking them money for months now :) When i got alot of money, I wont ever forget to help them.

So now, I think im goin to treat myself for a homely beauty regemen since Mike cant come online. I wont get mad but im a little disappointed. lol.

one little quote

I try to talk to you, but I don't know what to say. I am afraid you don't want me to say anything. So I don't. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out.And tell you how I feel-like how I miss you. And how I love you despite my broken heart.And how I need you in my life. And especially how much I want you.But those words may forver stay in my heart-locked inside.Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too... but I'll never know.

which is which

surprisingly, i got an incentive! Its not too big but it makes me giddy giddy excited coz i can save more for a...
A. PSP?
B. Digicam?
C. Laptop?

PSP:
well, my sis can get me a brandnew psp for a very affordable price, plus a one year warranty. But, it should be in cash and should be paid in full. I feel like i can afford to buy one in the next payday! isnt it fabulous? amazing..amazing.. If i get myself a PSP, i can do unlimited gaming like my favorite, TEKEN and i can also install The Simms and alot lot more that i could imagine! gosh, my head is spinning with the thought.. its just so amazing. LOL it also has a wireless internet :) so i just really really love to own one.

Digicam:
For vanity's sake, I feel like I need one though the feeling is not too intense compared to the other options that i have here. It's just that right from the very start, its what i wanted to buy with my first pay.

Laptop:
Im super tired with the competition of whoever should use the computer. I need it too bad so that i can talk and communicate with Mike. and no, i cant coz alot of people at home is gunna use it. So, this is a good option too, something worth saving for. And if ever im goin to save money for this; this is gunna be an accomplishment on my part. But that also means im gunna be needing more more more time to save. It will take me like 6 months to save for one! haha. yeah im poor like that. And its gunna be very very like very challenging on me because God knows i dont know how to save. So, if im going to choose LAPTOP, then i'll be like hitting two birds in one stone. It will help me become thrifty (way too hard to imagine!) and secondly, i can get myself my very own laptop! sounds yummy eh?

And for my long term dream, i need a job for the next 6 months. So that means, i should do well with my metrics at work coz regularization will be in like 3-2 weeks time! Its kind of creepy really. If i'l be regularized, i dont think i deserve it coz im not that familiar yet and my AHT of Average Handling Time sucks. That also means staying with the company longer. So looking at that, there are also 2 things that i think of, good and bad. Let's start with the GOOD, its good for my experience and that means continued salary every month. BAD; coz that means im staying longer and i still wanted to be a pre-school teacher in the future! lol. If i dont get the regularization, then its fine with me. I'll credit my stay as an experience, and I could go on look for another job, or if God is too good, i can go back to school and take more education units so that i can take the board exams for teachers and i can start following my dreams as a preschool teacher. But where's the money in that? I dont really know. Its too hard having everything in one.

So yadah yadah, i feel so excited with the future. There are just alot of possibilities and I always believe that a life could change in a single snap.. or two. So, i dont know, i started being positive in the middle of the excitement and anxiety and I think this is just very good of me to feel this way. So, whatever may happen, I rest it all to God (even though i seldom go to church now). This also goes to my relationship with Mike. Heaven knows im crazy in love with that guy, but i rest it all to fate. Whatever that is, i'll be holding on until the circumstances will tell me so.

Im gunna win him back by being sooo KIND! though (me and my negativities again!) i can feel that he is pacing slowly in our relationship. Well, whatever that is, I know it wil all lie on to both of us. I just love love love love him... and it it never changed over the years. I hope that he also still feels the same to me. If not, then i will really really try my best to understand and not hate him (which is gunna be impossible. ahaha)

Anyway, im gonna go ahead and rest now. Its been a long and tiring day for me. Goodnight World!

between sanity and insanity

im very tired at work! good thing i have friends around. well, as for mitch, im crazy.. and jay cant stop laughing at me coz.. umm.. he find me funny with all my expression and that. Why do people find me funny?! oh well.. those people kept me sane.. really.. AHT is killing me!

and as for mikey, well i dont really know. i got to be honest but im hurting everyday. i cant even put it into words. im so afraid were gunna fall apart. im so so so afraid. I just knew, he doesnt love me like before... and i hate it :( worst, i miss the way he loved me before...

i made coleslaw today!

my restdays

I never got out of the house on my restdays. I mean being in a call center will take away your social life. I just woke up from a sleep that started at 2pm, and what time is it now? Its sleeping time for everybody. There can be so much that a call center life can deprive you. And, i dont know if until now, im ready. i never went to shower! haha. now that's alarming! All i did was to watch ice age 1&2, watch lady and the tramp and sleep sleep and sleep! i never knew the story until today. lol talk to mike too... but that's worth a paragraph here. Have i mentioned that besides skipping shower, i also skip meals? urgghh.. wut a life!

Anyway, primary reason why im just here at home is that, i dont have money anymore. I play "one day millionaire" you know. Second would be, i got no one to hang out too. But on the other hand, i dont also want going out with anybody especially when i go look around at the mall. I dont want that feeling that you have to wait for the other to finish looking around or go to a certain store and u know. uhh cant explain it. i know i have to make up my mind. hehe

So before i went to sleep, i decided to open my letter box. I found so much memory inside the box, particulary college days with Chena.

here, take a look:

This is what we do back then with chena. We love vandalism on paper :D We always hang out at the "canteen" and just goof around and talk about sex which is a very exciting topic for a virgin like me. haha In this case, she was expressing her love to Feona! haha

now this is funny. none of these are true. I just thought this is Chena's vision of me in the future! lol.. scarryy!!