its been quite a while

Alot has happened this year, and hopefully there will be more to come for the last 2 months of  2012 . There are just alot and I guess, ironic as it may seem, it's one of the reasons why I dont get to write stuff about my life anymore. I can't believe we're moving to the last month of the year. Well, kinda moving that way. One thing that I realized and proven is the fact that when you start off with a positive vibe, then somehow you will get to see a favorable outcome. Like when I always say to myself at the beginning of the year, that 2012 will be my year. I held on to that thought. I was able to breakfree with the misery that Mike had brought to me. I was able to survive hell-ish days, weeks, months at work with so much poise and grace. I learned to drive and later will be getting my drivers license! (talking about positive vibe huh) but  most especially, i found someone new. He fills my days with love :) I just cant believe it. I think im real picky when it comes to men that's why even when I want to forget my dream of a happy fuckin ending with Mike, I still find it handy to be with my own self than being with someone who does nothing but turn me off all day. But Tony is different. He has his own swag that perfectly fits my preference on a man. He doesnt glorify me like crazy and I like that. He is mature enough and maybe it fits my being playful. I dont know. He loves me for sure but of course there are complications along the way. I know he's one big thing in my life right now but I am in an unwritten contract that I am not allowed to expect more from our relationship because I think that's what he wants and I want it that way too to avoid heart aches i guess.  But doing so without hurting is BS. It still hurts that I agree to not allow myself to look at it in a long term relationship because I feel like im wasting my time. But, a part of me says it never is a waste of time because the present is all that counts and it all that matters anyways. Well maybe I just find it weird to know that I am just waiting for this to end. Not because I want to but because it has to... eventually. But I as much as possible, I dont want to linger in that thought  but I just want myself to continue to be happy by being the right person for him each day that we're together. It's a happy feeling at all! ;p