eat pray love and eat again! hellow there 2012!!

I cant say hello to 2012 without looking back at 2011. I have a lot of shortcomings and mistakes in 2011 but im happy with it because im going to head on to 2012 with a lot of lessons learned from 2011 (which is by the way, 6 hours gone now). I realized that I have a lot to work on for this year. Loving myself and celebrating my individuality is probably the biggest challenge that Im going to work on for this year. That is why I will claim 2012 to be my year. Im claiming it as early as now. I know I cannot change who I am but I can be better. I am positive. I have a lot of discouragements this year and this year must have been the saddest year for me because something inside me has died. This year was all about LEAVING. About feelings being gone for good, people going away; basically about goodbyes. Not only that, the passing of the people whom I truly admired still breaks my heart. Their passing reminds me so much of life and I have to learn how to treasure every moment by doing the things that I really want. I don’t want to be passive anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care when I really do. This 2012, I wanna be who I am. It will be about goals, checklists and to dos! Its now or never. Life is too short to waste. Really. It will be about doing the things I want, it will be about not being shy of what I really wanna do, it will be about independence, it will be about taking the risk, it will be about food, it will be about friends, it will be about forgiveness, it will be about sweetness, thoughtfulness, selflessness. It will be about being receptive, understanding, and being sensitive to others. It will be about the BETTER things in life. Help me welcome 2012 with a positive heart. It takes courage to run the engine, but hey don’t forget the key, DETERMINATION!

I like the quote. I've been reading quotes online; just to prove myself that I am not the only person who is feeling this way. I wanted my suffering to end and start anew in the coming year. I wanted to be a brand new person again. God knows how much I would be willing to pay for just to take the most difficult baby steps to letting go and moving on. I seem cant move on. I want to forget everything but i just cant. I can't because I know what we had was real. I felt it. It made me happy at one point though I wont deny the fact that it hurts me as much too. But it was real. How I wish I can talk to him again. Even for the last time. I would love to know if he is doing well. And I wont ask anything anymore. I leave it all to fate, to time, to destiny... to God. I pray that I would let go of the bitterness so that I can love myself again. Please Jorge you can do this!

people always say follow your heart. what if ur heart keeps telling you to follow the same stupid shit over and over again? what if our hearts can never be trusted? unposted entry 12/24/2011

its christmas

There is no way to put them in a much better wording... but, I indeed had a Merry Little Christmas last night with my family. The money I saved and spent paid off when I know I made them happy. But really, they say gifts are not important, what matter most is that everybody have each other. I totally agree, but its much better if we give our loved ones small stuff to remind them how grateful we are that we have them in our lives. J

Christmas this year is kind of hard especially that some of my friends were affected by the flashflood in Mindanao. I tell you, its horrible. The magnitude of the damage is quite overwhelming. Lives were taken, hopes were shaken, people gone missing... its ugly. I had a little chat with my dear friend Cha and its sad to know that she’s given up praying. She just lost her mom this year and days ago, her grandma passed away becauseof the said flashflood. I can’t imagine what these families had gone through. I can’t imagine how they will rise again, how they will be able to build hopes now that something/someone has been taken away from them forever...

I didn’t have much to say, i just knew time will heal.

As usual, we spent Christmas at home and we did the usual gift giving. Here’s my lovely family.

The good life

1. Do something for someone else

- I listened to a friend who is currently mending a broken heart L. I know how important it is to being listened to especially in times of sadness and despair

2. Do something for yourself

- I bought MONIEGOLD chewy tamarind candy for myself. Indulgence!

3. Do something I don’t want to do that needs to doing

- Of course, I would pick SLEEP for this answer!

4. Do a physical exercise

- This summer I will enrol in aerobics in a nearby gym. For the mean time, formulating this thought is a mental exercise

5. Do a mental exercise

- Doing this list is a mental exercise ;p

6. Do an original prayer that always includes counting blessings

- Dear God,

Thank you because you’ve given me wonderful and amazing parents. They always wake up in the middle of the night just to drive me to work. I feel so bless more than ever.