work :)

Im kind of depress at work coz im not hitting my QA scores. My manager thinks this is because of my jolly character that he thinks is hindering myself from getting the right score he wanted for me. Well, not really for me but for his self too! I don't like how he handles agents, sometimes when were on a meeting, his words are kinda like scripted and too fake. I did not join the team breakfast because of him too. Nah, I wanna keep it civil with him and im trying my fuckin best to hit QA not for him but for myself! -- sometimes, it just doesnt work! Its soo damn frustrating!

the heart or the mind

im stubborn. sometimes it causes me hard feelings, it makes me forget how to care for myself. i dont know what to do. i dont know what lies ahead. i dont know how long i could stay strong and how firm i could stand on my words. nobody could give me exact answers. i just go whatever my heart tells me...

my heart says to be patient, my mind says its enough. my heart says its by God's time but my mind tells me that God's answer is already a no. my heart would like to give way and is willing to forget its own sorrows but my mind says its about time to wake up and see reality as it is.

Hey its My Birthday

hehe.. I wish someone could give me a birthday cake. But its okay. Many had greeted me in facebook just because they see thats it my birthday today but still im happy because of that. 22 years of existence and I feel good about it. Im treating my friends out later at Redbox and hope to have a good time with them.

I thank you Lord for all the blessings. There are things that frustrates me bec of expectations that hasn't meet. I wish Mike had prepared a love letter perhaps or emailed me colorful happy birthday text in the email but he completely forgot about my birthday. hehe

But still, I thank God for the gift of life.

of my random thoughts

I've looked into myself and I admit that I've been ungrateful for the things and people that I have in my life. I tried to wipe away my miseries by thinking that despite of everything, I still have a beautiful world ahead of me. I knew Im lucky enough to have my family. We're not perfect but its real and I know that I would always have them no matter what. I got my Papa, who simply knows how to fill in what is needed and missing in my life. He would drive me to work or ask me things that I needed so that he would know and have peace in mind that Im alright. How could I ever think of him as bias as I would always think he loves my sister more than he loves me. I think its time to shove that kind of thinking... What I am grateful more is that fact that I have my sister with me. She never judge me and knowing this, I know I will always got her on my back. And the rest is the same with my siblings and mama. I know they will be around and it makes me feel complete having them in my life.

I also would like to thank God for the blessings he showered upon me. No, I can't have everything but what He has given me is more than enough. I wish there will come a time when I could give back the blessings God has given me. Im so much thankful that I have to get up every night to work and much more thankful because God always protects me where ever I go even when Im alone. I remembered my customer over the phone, she taught me a prayer; I forgot the words verbatim but its something like, God bless me today and I pray that there's nothing that You and me can't handle. It was a brief yet beautiful prayer. Among all the angry customers I get, I thank God that He routed that single call to me and I get to speak with that lady. Its such a blessing... In addition to that, Im so grateful that I passed QA for the month of September. Truly indeed that God answers prayers . I've been praying for it and working hard on it. I pray God will be with me on this...

I wish I could repay the goodness that the Lord has shown to me. I guess my own share on this would be to try my best to be better everyday. To be courageous to do a little change everyday and to make a good habit out of it. God is good, and thats all i know...

talking about my Faith

We could never be strong enough. There will always be time that regardless of our effort to keep it cool we are affected by things around us. There will always be times that no matter how we put things in the right perspective, we get hurt and we still question them. There will always be that time when after all the brave person that you are, you cry in the middle of the night when everybody is in deep slumber. We try to hide our weaknesses, our fears, our shortcomings pretending to be strong, but are we? Maybe at some point we are on that thought but I realized we could never be strong enough. There will always be a part of us that seeks shelter; where we just lay all of ourselves in confidence and in this imperfect world that we have, I realized that our faith and prayers helps alot. It is knowing that we are nothing if we do not have faith. Faith comes in a different form, whether faith in yourself or in your own beliefs. But the biggest and powerful faith one could ever have is the faith in the Lord. I admit I never really have it. I was so wrong to not pause, reflect and pray. I was so wrong to not ask HELP from Him thinking I could manage it. I was so wrong to not appreciate the things and the people that I have and the things that I never even have. I realized that I've been astray and Im so lost without Him. I thought Im strong enough but I never was. Maybe this is one of the pivotal moments in my life, I need God in my life to get through all of these. I need to thank Him for the gift of being alive, for the blessing of having such a great and loving family, for the job that I have right now, for His guidance every time I go to work at night, for the friends whom I love and have, for the beauty in this world. Most especially, I thank Him for giving me Mike, for the pain of holding on and waiting, for always letting me know that tomorrow is full of uncertainties because all of these reminds me that I need God in my life. And with Him, I know it will be alright. I'll rest my future to God...