sad ako

i even dont know what to say. i dont know what matters most in my life right now. I dont know which step to take...

im supposedly in my bed right now snatching every second of sweet slumber that i could get. Instead, myriad of things (which in today's case; bad things) dawned on me. I miss the kissing teddy bears Mike gave me :( I felt so bad because its a memory in the form of something that i thought that will last forever with me. I dont really know where is it right now. Its been missing for the past months and i dont have the guts to tell Mike that i lost it in my own bed. Can u believe that. I treasure it the most more than anything else that i always sleep beside it. I think my brother gave it to his girlfriend. geez what a shame "jack-assy" move. and now its making me simply sad :( :(

Secondly, i know i should be wiser when it comes to dealing money. I've never save anything and im even running out of it! I know for sure that im goin back to school next year to take up more education units and from there im goin to look for more options with life...

hahayz.. sadness just creeps in plus im so pressured for tonight's QA like i need to get 94% to pass QA. If God permits, it would be my highest QA by far. oh gosh things are a little harder for me right now :(

my friends and I

we chill at Bo's... trying to catch up on things and i found myself not having much to talk to with friends since nothing BIG has changed since graduation. lol (and i believe that was Arah on the fone)

...and Lynne brought us to the BAR. whew, i was still "culture shocked". im a 21 year old girl who never go to bars.. i can just count the instances with my fingers! nonetheless, it was great when you are with friends (too bad Bing wasnt able to come with us because she had a national exam on the next day.. LET)

so far i can just post 2 pics coz im not vain like that anymore. Just a little memory i can put on my blog :)
anyway, for more pics visit my facebook account or CLICK HERE.

i needed to decide

i know im being a pain in the ass. and i know im gunna get anything good for my birthday. i know i just lost mike...

I know that he did all his best to make us work and there's no question to that. I ended up hating myself more because i wasn't able to understand him when i should've given it to him. And now i know im losing him.

I've been very hurt not because he loves me less but because i kept on thinking bad things about him and us. I am hurt because everyday, reminds me of not being with him. I get crazy without hearing anything from him because i know i might lose him anytime and i might not be there for him. I love him so much that it hurts me. i love him so much that it hurts him so bad. I wanna love him without being too scared to death. I wanna love him without having to leash him on the neck. I wanna love him without being hurt and i know its impossible. I wish i'd been more understanding. I wish i'd been more trusting. I wish i'd been better.

I wanted to die but there's also a part of me that wanted to be strong. I wanted to be better if ever he is not gunna talk to me again. I'd wanted to tell him how lucky i was with him before i could let him slip away...

oh gosh, i didnt know it'll hurt like this. it feels like my world is crashing down :( :( i dont even know if i should continue to hold on or just let him slip forever....