art of letting go

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

my piece of pain

Time heals. Sometimes, I wanna believe it. But right now i'm not getting any closer to that, though God knows how I prayed hard to just accept the fact that Mike and I is over. We are over and that is fact. but deep within my soul, there is still this little hope flickering that hoping he would come back to me and... just have me back into his life. This instinct of mine is killing me because i felt that it's too impossible for someone like him to win me back. He never wanted me as much as I wanted him. He made me believed and made a fool out of me for all this time, and I am mad at him and mad to myself but still im still in love with him. I needed the courage to go on but he keeps on invading my mind; and in annihilation, I can't help but shed tears every night when i go to sleep. God knows how much I wanted peace of mind, God knows how much I would love to invite forgiveness in my heart and accept the things that I cannot change but im just... simply.. am badly hurt. I'd love to have him back but I'd be too selfish to force myself to someone who doesn't want to fight for me anymore. I don't understand why he caused me this enormous pain yet I needed him to cure me as well.

I know its not healthy to wallow on self pity and thinking about it all the time, so as much as I wanted to distract myself, i still end up with myself, asking myself-- what have i gotten myself into? :(

right to write

im not really good at this. maybe if i could write all my hurt feelings, i would get used to the pain and i can accept things much more faster. It literally hurts every time i breath. Im mad knowing that he can easily just leave me like that; or atleast that's how he made me feel. I don't want to beg any further because I know by doing that, im just going to push him away and i know by this time, nothing can change his mind. If it is easy for him to leave me bleeding, I hope he will meet karma all along his way. I know its unfair to ask something in return from him but how can he say he love me when he is killing me slowly. When he can't even give it a try, when he cant fight for us and when he wont exert effort. Im mad at him but im more mad about myself because I've wasted my time and effort for someone who can't be there on my worst moment when I was with them all along. I felt the painful sting of rejection and its killing me and I cant seem to move forward...

night out with friends

It felt so good being with my girls again. Listening to their stories and ideas are melody to my ears. I miss laughing out loud with them and I just wished the night wont come to an end. Though I bottle things up, I felt so relieved having to spend my Saturday night with my Eyatches (after soo many attempts!) It was slow, lucrative, fun, silly... it was simply the best. One of the few worthwhile moments in my life.And according to Chena on her most recent comment in facebook; "u can be sure that 3 people love u so much...dli pa jd mga ordinary ra na people...ang usa yutaan na...si lynnie...ang usa attorney...si bingee...and ako! Ü"

Aww, thanks guys! :) Though part of me is sad and broken, life is still good because for now, I know I have you guys... I mean as always! Love you girls! Till next!!

Lady Antebellum - Need You Now

love hurts

I really thought that you could love me the way that I love you. I feel so bad because I realized how much time and effort is wasted. I realized that the world indeed is unfair. I couldn't blame you because it was all my idea but you showed me how little love you had when you decided not to fight for me. How could I be so naive, not having a single clue that of course you don't need someone like me anymore now that you are facing a new chapter in your life. I believe you are enjoying exploring the new world... and not having someone to annoy you and not having the responsibility of making me feel good because you ought to make me feel that way. After all the things I did for you; for being there when you were alone, for being the one who believed in you that even when you had mistakes in the past, that its not too late to begin again. How could you just turn away just like that. I feel so alone and I feel so hurt knowing that all I did for you and all that I'm willing to give is not enough for you to stay. You have taken away my faith. You are the greatest proof that I am good at nothing. I can't even make you love me. I feel so bad everyday. If you must know, there never was a night that I dint cry over you. I wanted to let you know that the pain this love has caused me is irreversible; that sometimes in the middle of something I just stopped, and start to cry; remembering how stupid I could get for trusting my heart to you. I still can't believe that everything is all a lie. Like when you say that you love me everyday. If you love me, you would understand that there will be times that I'd be tired and get scared of not having you with me someday. If you love me, you would keep me with you and we will work it out. But you didn't do anything. Sometimes, when I'm alone with my thoughts, I would defend you. I always tell myself that you don't want to be selfish and you just wanted me to be with someone within my reach. But that wasn't even my point. And you don't get my point and it seemed to you that im forcing you and im being a freak. It's not that. I just love you and when you love you keep them and grow with them and make mistakes with them and make ways to be with them and you stay with them. but you have changed and Im getting the feeling that you even liked it. That hurts. Big time. Now, that YOU killed me, I don't know how to see the world again with faith.

All i know is that you left me right in the middle of nowhere.

To My Future Husband (posted Tuesday, March 17, 2009 at 1:30pm) by Hilary Isaac

I prayed for you this morning.

I have been praying for you for awhile now but stopped

Because I thought I finally met you.

He seemed almost as wonderful as I know you will be

Gentle and loving and caring

He was nearly as adventurous as I know our God made you

For a while his smile was the brightest I'd ever seen

But then I discovered, he simply isn't you.

I have traveled much distance and suffered much pain

I know that if you could, you would have protected me from all this

But our time to meet is not yet now

So in prayers and in faith is where we'll be.

The heartache I went through nearly made me lose my faith

That you might still be out there being fashioned for me

I nearly gave up and thought I could never love again

But He tells me that YOU, yes you are the one.

But our time has not yet come.

I pray for your job, for your health and for your family

I know they are wonderful and loving and funny

That they're nearly as crazy my own crazy family

And how you all love animals and cooking and traveling

And you will take me to an underwater adventure

Just you and me.

I pray for your walk with our God to be strong

To grow ever deeper and for your faith to be stronger

I pray that your life will be a stellar testimony

To reach those I can't and meet those I won't.

I pray that I keep learning and growing in wisdom

That God continue to mold me and change me

That I might become a godly wife to you

One whose heart is strong and loves fiercely,

Whose trust in her husband is anchored on the Almighty.

I pray for a humble spirit that respects and submits

And covers you in prayer and supports you in everything.

Til the day we are brought together

I will cover you in prayer

And continue to walk this path that He has set out for me

That as I journey to my destiny and fulfill His purpose in me

You and I, in our lives, bring God all the glory.

i cant seem to move on

im stuck in this abyss. I dreaded everyday because i know he will come in to my mind again and sometimes the pain is piercing. Im in desperate solitude and i can't get my self away from being sad, lonely, empty and broken. The worst part is that, he never know how i die everyday. He never know that im aching for him and its impossible for me to carry all the pain. I just dont know where to start, i dont know how to change my outlook in life. its just so unfair... :(

Lord please help me. There never was a night that i didnt cry and im just breaking down into pieces. Help me Lord to accept the things that I cannot change. Help me understand. and help me live life again happily :(

Those who feel it is better To have loved and lost Have obviously done neither

Some hearts are broken and mended, Others are shattered or torn, Although it was never intended, For love is eternally sworn, I’ve cried and prayed and pleaded, for that love to hold its ground, Hope was all I needed, and pain was all I found

:(

crap bullshit fukcccc

I've been keeping it all inside. Im nothing but a mess. i have nothing left at all. i wanted to tell him that im angry, im mad im feeling helpless. I feel used by mike. i feel like he just used me when he needed someone for him and now that he's got a new life, new everything and starting anew, he doesnt want to deal with this shit. i hope he will not find happiness, i hope that i shudnt have loved him so that i wont need to be hurt like this. i feel so much in pain that i just cry in the middle of something because sometimes i feel like i cant take it anymore but i need to act like im strong, that i dont love him this much and that im cool with everything. it sucks knowing him. i regret everything and i hope i'd be over him and start a new life and stop being bitter and will hope that someday i'll meet him again and he'll be back in hell.. stupid me.. stupid me