happy father's day!

"Any man can be a father, but it takes a special person to be a dad"

Last week, we went to Bohol to celebrate father's day. It didn't came as a plan. I woke up and kissed my father a happy father's day. God knows how much i love him... I will do everything just to make him happy. So yeah, he was actually the one who woke me up in bed and was telling me we should go to Bohol. Well, even when im in my slumbrous state, i couldnt turn down my father's request.

So i got up early and dress. I find it good too since i really need a consolation of all the anxiety i've been feeling lately.


on our way to the pier :) a picture from my phone.

it was like forever since i get to see these "badjaos" circling on the edges of the boat. Well it is amazing coz they dive in the deep waters as they retreive a peso from the passengers. Those kids are pretty amazing though the reality behind this is kind of depressing. It's just a form of mendicancy in waters... not to mention the danger of getting that peso... but oh well...

I've been to Bohol a few times already but never been to Sagbayan Peak. Bohol is indeed one of the best place for getting away the hurly burly city life. I never thought i could look this small in this pic. lol.. that is with my sister there..

it was rainy when we arrive. I thought it's something bad for an outing but the rain helped me appreciate this place more. Sooo cold and the place is all green! soo nice really.. it was like a paradise to me.with my siblings. Katrina and Mau. just behind us is the BIG and vast garden of Sagbayan Peak.


oh i love this pic. at first it looked like a heavy rain will stop us from enjoying the place. This pic reminded me of Edward Cullen. haha. i just finish reading twilight as this day :) :)

no worries. the lion is uber friendly ^_^

Leap high! playing wit the camera. miko took this shot and he got it one time big time! nice one baby! This was taken at their view deck.. overlookin the place. Beneath is a farm. so green and peaceful down under..

bro? its okay..

and of course, wont end this photo blog without a snapshot of the famous TARSIER. hehe.. so cute. we fed him cricket. the vid is awesome!

***

im sick :(

mike wants us not to talk everyday. And i admit it, im not okay with it. I even entertained (AGAIN) breaking up with him. Im not really being negative here. I am just positioning the possibilities of the future from what is the present situation. He wants us not to talk everyday. I dont feel at ease with that. Even if i gave him that priviledge, there's a part of me that needs him everyday.. just to see him online, from that very least thing makes me happy. My mind thinks alot of things without getting touch of him. My mind travels from one plave to another thinking bout him. Its insane. He can live with that but i can't. I can't even demand for his time. I'l get used of the feeling of not talking to him everyday and when im ready, maybe i can let him go. Sounds selfish? I just need to prepare myself for greater heart aches. I wanted to be realistic if not being positive. He can't meet me cause of alot of circumstance and we cannot force something like that to happen. I've been waiting for 4 years and if he cannot keep his promise, then i would forgive him. Its just that, im a woman seeking for security and love for all this years and yes i know he can offer that to me but we may never know what the future brings. I might consume all my time waiting for someone like him and nothing will just happen. I dont know what to do without him but i need to do this because eventually it will happen to us, even if it means getting hurt so bad. i wanted to cry coz i miss talking and spending time with him but i know i dont have the right to act like that because he has his own life to live and i am not his life. I think its time to accept things as it is. it takes some time to get used to this feeling. And eventually, like four years ago, i will have to live my life not depending on him :) and maybe the day will come that i will learn how to love others without holding on too much, without being too dependent, without being too childish and selfish. I just hope that the next man i will love will still be him :)

im pissed wit my mom

alright. i admit it. Im pissed by her presence. She just stays at home because it is the best place for her. She can have a maid who by under her any commands will abide to whatever she wants to be done while she is inside her room all day, browsing through facebook, facing her laptop and turning on the AC 24/7. What a happy life she has. Of course she will cast a spell to my dad just for her to stay at home... never really cared to be a mother to her kids. Nice life eh?

worst, she gets mad when we borrow her laptop. the hell? I dont know why i have a mother like her. Its just fuck up. She is the most selfish person i ever met, too bad she happens to be my mother. Lucky her coz my dad loves her so much. I dont know if that makes my dad less lucky, its just that, all i know is that she is lucky that despite of the betrayal, pain and misery, my dad still accepts her for what she is. As for me, i cant take off the thought of her having sex with SIR PEDS. I cant forget that day when she hurriedly went to work VERY EARLY and i have to wake up very very early so that i can ride in the car with her just to find out that SIR PEDS will use the car once we arrive at her work place. Whatelse was their activities? that i cannot imagine.

I know its bad to judge. but the lies and fabricated stories she made up just sickened me. I dont care if im very self-righteous right now. I'l deal wit that later. I hate her and she never was a mother to us. As long as she is comfortable and has the resources, she will and will cling on to my dad.. even if it means betraying the trust. How could she? damnit!

hurt ko

im kind of hurt when mike wants me to be like karen. I know he always likes her. not maybe in the romantic sense but i can feel it that this girl always has an impact to him.

as i was assessing things between us and the others, i found that the thing we have for each other is incomparable to them. first, this is a long distance relationship. we didnt get the chance to do things together, we havent seen each other do things in each others' way. third, our trust and sincerity is tested the most. he said that he wants a girl who doesnt need to see him or talk to him everyday. while i need to talk to him everyday because i want to make sure he is doing fine. i dont know if the problem is me or him. im willing to do that anyway. this time, i need to independent. i need to worry less. i need to think less. i need to expect less. i need to pick up myself from self pity, from being too hopeful....

my life in a susceptible manner

Why is it that just when I wanted to be honest, I had the tendency to utter the opposite thing?
Why is it that even if im reminded with the truth, i lied to myself and make believe of things that are not really happening?

Why is it im still not used of the pain when i've been with this for four years?

I aint a philosopher and I dont have the answers to these. Human as I am, to the farthest of my knowledge, I see myself vulnerable as to why things dont go on my own way. And then i think that Im a victim of life's myriad jokes thrown at me. And most of the time, im caught off guard, leaving me defenseless. There are also times when i just cant learn from my mistakes or im just plainly stupid or something.

I tried to understand the things around me, but it takes alot of courage to admit that even if i seem to understand things, i am still someone who is assialable to the tides and susceptible to the pains that life brings. I will never get used to it... it'll never come anyway

so, in a very odd way, i celebrate my pain... through collected lamentations.

Im kind of frustrated with this job that I have right now. It always makes me nervous and all this brain wacking things to do and stuff like that. Good thing is that, I know im being competitive and I found friends... and lost one. I will miss Sheyne. Though I didnt get the chance to be with her more than we could've been, Im grateful to have met her. And for the nesting itself, its pretty hard hitting the metrics and coping up with the new environment but the heck, i chose this right? We will never know what's there until we get there.

As for my pay, it's been a week delayed now. And that makes matters worst. If i dont get it this Monday, im so gonna be leaving because in the first place, i wasnt there for charity or work or whatever that is you call.

I wanted to get out of the country and start on my own but I dont really know how to start from scratch. haha. Well, i'll be praying hard for it and work harder for me to get there... whatever it takes. As of now, I just thought i need to slow down a bit and enjoy the pace since i cant change things overnight.

Driving Skills. Im so like failing. But i really really want to learn but not now because papa is still in Leyte, "attending" my mama. hahaha

my mama. She is completely ignoring us. What matters most to her was making money, gaining pleasure, and the attention. well, good for her. atleast she's got goals.