letting go...

I've been meaning to let go of him. Most of my thoughts is about letting him go and living without my dream of meeting him someday. I love him so much more than life but I feel like its definitely time for me to let go of him. I've been miserable, i've been begging for his mercy to trust me, to treat me right, to make me feel special, i've been expecting that my ait won't be too long from now. 6 years, and i know i have to loosen up even though it means living without a dream no more, living without my love and moving on and praying hard that I can get through all of this alone. They say, if you love someone you gotta set them free. He needed to be free from someone so uptight like me, he needed to be free and have more time for himself, he needed to be free from responsibility of saving up and meeting me one day. and as much as he needed to be free from me, I know I needed to let go and free myself from the miseries. im not comfortable with our situation anymore, I can't have a day without talking to him and i know there will come a day that this will have to stop and i would need to live my life alone. There's no room for positivity in me anymore, i used it all up and i can't get any support from him with all this. I'm tired and i wanna let go. It hurts so much its killing me and i know i have to die to let him go because he's been my love and my life... and he shouldn't be.

I wish...

I've been alone for many years and I wish someone would treat me special. Whenever they ask me if I have a boyfriend, I say NO because Mike is not with me, he doesn't give me stuff which I can show to my friends. I don't have anything to let them see that he exists. We don't have memories together, we dont have anything. But why would i even waste effort in proving to them all these. why does it even hurt. Maybe im convincing myself and not them... I have alot of things in mind that I wish I can say to Mike but I know i cant dictate a person on how they would like to treat me. I just wish that one day in time, even just for a day, I would feel special to someone. I want to be recognized by him with my efforts, I want him to comfort me because I want to let him know that its not easy falling in love with someone who can never be mine. Its easy to say to just leave him alone and start all over again but its so damn hard. I would die in heart ache. I know he cant make me feel special I just pray to God that HE would give me more strength to endure this and the gift of understanding that love is not about receiving but its all about giving...

Dear Mike,

Merry Christmas Baby. I am glad that we are still holding on despite of the hardships of being apart and not having enough time for each other. Thank you for the time you spent with me. For the kindness you've shown and by listening to me and for letting me feel that I got you on my back. Thank you for being a friend, for not letting go of me even when you feel like you already have to. I also would like to say sorry if i caused you stress, im sorry if I demand alot from you. I never intended to bring any troubles to you and I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I know you don't like drama. I wish I can set aside my feelings and not think about the future so that I wont feel anxious with all of these. i'll try to not bring it up again and I'll try to be strong for us and I hope that you will be strong for yourself as you will leave again anytime soon. I wish you all the best even if it doesn't include me on it. After all i think that's what matters the most when you love someone so much. I pray hard that we could together endure the hardships in this relationship and someday find each others' arms. iloveyou and you know that...

Christmas

I'm not feeling any younger every Christmas and the more I get to realize it, the more I understand that the usual excitement I always feel when I was a kid about Christmas won't come again but all they were are memories that I could keep forever. The crisp joy of having to open gifts on Christmas eve, the long vacation from school, the vacation itself, and the food. This Christmas, I felt a little different because the Mirafuentes clan decided to go away with gift-giving but decided to spend Christmas with the less fortunate kids and toddlers. We also came up with the same shirt designed by my cousin. I so love the Christmas '10!

when is the right time to let go? :(

crying

Im so tired of crying my heart out. I wish i can just hit my head just for once so that I would realize that not all things last forever. Im hurting because I still love him so much. I feel like he doesnt have the time anymore and I can't comfort myself that everything will be fine because I dont feel like its gunna be fine. I hope i could just forgive and forget. I pray that i wont be too hard with myself and to him. I wish I knew how to handle this well. I miss spending time with him and talking with him. I feel so alone and Im wishing there could be someone who would like to spend time with me and listen to me and be there for me. I thought it would be Mike but i know he is busy with his new life right now whom i thought I would still be part of, but all along i was so wrong. God Help me through this. I need you in times like this T_T

Tandy's Wedding

It was good seeing friends again last night in Siao’s wedding. After college, we’ve been busy with our individual lives that we can’t even gather ourselves for a simple dinner or night out without conflict of schedules. We were those college students but now I can’t believe that we’re all gathered again (unfortunately without Nikko’s presence) not for some school party or night out but for Siao’s wedding; the girl we expect to get married first among all of us! I realized that we are indeed growing up and some might be going on the same route for marriage life. I am truly happy to see my friends again and of course, to see Siao with a new and loving family. She will be giving birth in 4 months! We may be attending a baptism any time real soon! Mean while, here are some of our pics. Enjoy!

with the Groom Kent and lovely Bride Tandy

Cris being funny

EVENT ORGANIZERS: just posing at the entrance: while waiting for the guest to come