I can't believe that my last post in this blog was about 5 months ago and only had one since the start of the year. I might have been very busy or I just lack the energy to jot down the good, bad and most of the time emo moments of my life which are supposed to be virtually imprinted here in my so called online diary.
Anyweiz, not so much has actually happened in my life except that I recently had the chance to be behind wheels of my dream car, Mazda 3. Not to mention the emotional turbulence I experience from time to time.
I wanted to quit my job and you see, its something I really wanted to do since forever. This love-hate relationship with work has been killing the hell out of me. The problem is, (which I think is normal based from articles that I read) I dont know what I want in life-- atleast when I quit my current job. Part of me wants to be teacher, a part of me wants to fly out to Dubai or Bahrain and a part of me just wants to take whatever job there is available as long as I dont compromise quality time with my boyfriend. He's even a different story.
I talked to our HR and she suggested that I list down pros and cons of staying with the company. I realized that there's no use in doing so because I wanna quit. I think the reason why Im being anxious about leaving is because its a big leap I had to take and its always a risk stepping out of your comfort zone. In addition to that, I felt guilty to God because I dont want Him to think that I am being ungrateful.
What makes this phase of my life a really uncomfortable one is the fact that only a very few called me in response to my applications. It hurts and you know how i hate rejections. I mean, when did it ever became a nice feeling? But i gotta be strong and think like a mature person even when it is hard to explain why other people are lucky and I feel like im not.
I will hold on to what my sister told me that i gotta be patient because good things will come to those who wait. i dont know God's plan but i rely my future to Him.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..."
