Friday, July 31, 2009
HIM
My Mike. I love him so much and even though we dont get to see each other, i can still feel his unconditional love for me. Someday, the luck will be on our side. I am just happy to have him in my life. I am happy knowing that someone like him will sacrifice alot just to keep us going.My baby; every pain and misery will go soon. Enjoy life and dont forget you're a blessing to alot of people!
I love you so much and i hope i can spend the rest of my days with you...
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
my lil vacation
"to myself I am only a child playing on the beach, while vast oceans of truth lie undiscovered before me." 
@ Portofino; ate anne's homecoming. im so pretty with my dress! haha.
This is with Yeso, ate ann and mr.pearl
early in the morning on our way to Canigao Island
fast approaching...(taken from the pumpboat "pambot")
im all set! displaying my jingle pose though my smile is a lil distorted because of the big goggles.
all girls** more pics to come. im tired.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
pain
i dont really know where to get my strength. im growing desperate every day having to know that we could never be together.. or we can never have each other. oh i dont know. its just so painful.
i never thought i'd be able to feel like this. its just so intense. im actually crying right now because he went offline. oh gods.. this is soo bad and beyond uhh.. i dont know.. i can feel the hurt and it sucks loving this much...
i never thought i'd be able to feel like this. its just so intense. im actually crying right now because he went offline. oh gods.. this is soo bad and beyond uhh.. i dont know.. i can feel the hurt and it sucks loving this much...
Sunday, July 19, 2009
a pic that matters
A PICTURE OF YOU VERY DRUNK-i chug beer like a guy. lol
A PICTURE OF YOU WITH A PARENT OR TWO- jan1 2009. we look so happy... my dad is my parent.
A PICTURE OF YOU ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, OR ON YOUR FAVE HOLIDAY- i like christmas more than my birthday.
A PICTURE OF YOU IN YOUR YOUNGER YEARS- mahal or mura? haha
A PICTURE OF YOU IN YOUR FAVE OUTFIT- i love dresses. so comfy :)
A PICTURE OF YOU MAKING A GOOFY FACE AT THE CAMERA- goofy as always
- dont have much edited pics- but this one has something to do with the background and brightness :) :)
A PICTURE OF YOU IN A TEAM OR CLUB THAT YOU'RE IN- team FM (Force Majuere) with the best mentors and mentees!
PICTURE OF YOU SHOWING OFF A NEW HAIRCUT (EVEN IF IT'S AN OLD HAIRCUT)- i believe this is the right pic. lol
THE MOST RECENT PICTURE OF YOU- yesterday, july 19 at IT park right across THE WALK
A PICTURE OF YOU BEING ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS-cupcakes for breast augmentation. had to get them though when i was hungry. lol
A PICTURE OF A TIME IN YOUR LIFE THAT'S OVER, BUT YOU WISH IT WASN'T-the normal days in school with classmates and friends :)
A PICTURE OF A TIME IN YOUR LIFE THAT'S OVER, AND YOU COULDN'T BE MORE THANKFUL THAT IT IS- im over my kabaduyan and insecure moments! i live on and im proud now
A PICTURE WITH YOUR OLDEST FRIEND(S)- my best friend since 3rd grade :0
A PICTURE WITH YOUR NEWEST FRIEND(S)-@hidden paradise-synergy 09. experience wasnt that good but new friends made it bearable
A PICTURE OF YOU THAT YOU HAD NO IDEA WAS BEING TAKEN- @ moalboal, panagsama with andi, kinkol and bing
A PICTURE OF YOU IN A FASHION "DON'T"- i wont ran out of reasons to hate my education classes.
A PICTURE OF YOU IN A SWIMSUIT, WHETHER YOU LOVE IT OR LOATHE IT
- i love it
A PICTURE OF YOU WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE
-that would be my sis!
A PICTURE OF HOW YOU'D LIKE THE WORLD TO SEE YOU-happy, carefree and independent!
A PICTURE THAT DESCRIBES HOW YOU'D LIKE TO SPEND EVERY DAY
-with family; out of town
A PICTURE THAT MAKES YOUR HEART HURT
-might be off beat but this pic always tore my heart. i first saw this during our 2nd yr recollection. T_T
agent
I've been working as a call center agent for about 3 months already. I've tried applying twice but both failed. Its very frustrating and i would think that this job is not for me. Until i set foot to the current company that i am in right now. It took me by storm and everything came all at once.
When i started my training, i felt like giving up because of my trainer! haha. it turns out that he was the best of all the trainers in the account and i couldn't help but be grateful to have him around. And now that im over with nesting and ABAY, we still say hi to each other like were really friends. So if there was something that caused hesitation when it comes to resignation, that would be because of Jet and secondly would be because of my Supervisor. I got the best people to back me up so i was thinking, its all worth a try. Not just that, im also counting on my experience. It would help me grow into a better employee and it would be an asset on my resume (i think). So, i actually had decided to spend more time in the company. In the case of the salary, i dont think its bad because its actually better than my allowance when i was still in college. So i got no fuss with that even if my sis always thinks my company is poor. lol
When i started my training, i felt like giving up because of my trainer! haha. it turns out that he was the best of all the trainers in the account and i couldn't help but be grateful to have him around. And now that im over with nesting and ABAY, we still say hi to each other like were really friends. So if there was something that caused hesitation when it comes to resignation, that would be because of Jet and secondly would be because of my Supervisor. I got the best people to back me up so i was thinking, its all worth a try. Not just that, im also counting on my experience. It would help me grow into a better employee and it would be an asset on my resume (i think). So, i actually had decided to spend more time in the company. In the case of the salary, i dont think its bad because its actually better than my allowance when i was still in college. So i got no fuss with that even if my sis always thinks my company is poor. lol
(i dont know what's next) i found this post in my drafts.. hehe
querries
being nice about everything sucks... likewise.
I've been so nice with life but it is still throwing me stones. i tried being patient but even the slightest rewards cant be granted. I tried being hopeful most of the time but still desperation eats me up day by day. Sometimes, im caught in the middle. sometimes, i just dont know how to react or how to put things in a logical manner just to rationalize everything so to avoid causing too much emotional trouble. i know in the end, im goin to be the one who will suffer.
i've been floating and i dont even know how to get started. i wanted to have a better life... i need answers.
I've been so nice with life but it is still throwing me stones. i tried being patient but even the slightest rewards cant be granted. I tried being hopeful most of the time but still desperation eats me up day by day. Sometimes, im caught in the middle. sometimes, i just dont know how to react or how to put things in a logical manner just to rationalize everything so to avoid causing too much emotional trouble. i know in the end, im goin to be the one who will suffer.
i've been floating and i dont even know how to get started. i wanted to have a better life... i need answers.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
karma is a bitch
i cannot help but feel sorry for my siblings. Forget about me, but u know, they deserve what is the best despite of the fact that sometimes they are acting like rascals. It all boils down to the fact that our mother abandoned us. Not really abandoned; because she gets to have my dad's support in finding a new house to live somewhere in Leyte. She gets to have the things done in her way. She gets to manipulate my dad like she was a great puppeteer. She knows when to do this and that, she got my dad in a click. Well good for her because someone like my dad loves her so much that my dad is willing to forget her false-hearted, artful and deceitful activities in the past. Well, that's what couples do right? Especially when they turn 40? i mean, is that really a trend? I dont know...
But this is not just about their relationship as couples. This involves family and kids. I dont care how they gunna cope up with the trust.. this is the attitude this time. I realized that she is very selfish... and this wasnt a recent realization but i knew it even when im still in high school. She never wants my dad spend money on us, she contradicts our activities, while she was there getting new clothes everyday, going out with friends and not talking to us. There are still a million reasons why i could say she is selfish, but i dont want to bank on them because I dont want to be unfair to her. The thing is, I know how manipulative she is. I know how good she could fabricate stories. I've seen my dad lost himself in deep thoughts, i've all his misery because of her and her tryst!
What i do not understand though is the fact that she never was a MOTHER to us. I never felt it. Everyday we live a life with her; instead of seeing the goodness in her as a person, everyday seems to remind me how i do not like to be like her in the future. Everyday is a new discovery of how hypocrite, and selfish she is. Everyday with her makes me stop and ask God why cant i feel that she is a mother to us. I hate to admit it but i hate her. I am angry at her. and i dont know if i can still forgive her. I dont know if she feels the same way... and i dont know for what reason why she treated my siblings and I like were not her own kids. I dont care bout the history.. the curse.. this is what i feel as of the moment...
I just feel sorry for my siblings because living a life like this in the present will affect who they will be in the future.. what will they become and it will surely affect their outlook in life. They live without guidance, without parents tending them, they do what they want without limitations, they dont see a figure whom they will honor and at the same time whom they will love. They are the true victims of my mother's selfishness. But life doesnt stop there.. it wont stop because of her. We will try our best to be the best that we can be without her. She gets all my father's attention and time and leaving us all here at the house...
whatever... karma is a bitch
But this is not just about their relationship as couples. This involves family and kids. I dont care how they gunna cope up with the trust.. this is the attitude this time. I realized that she is very selfish... and this wasnt a recent realization but i knew it even when im still in high school. She never wants my dad spend money on us, she contradicts our activities, while she was there getting new clothes everyday, going out with friends and not talking to us. There are still a million reasons why i could say she is selfish, but i dont want to bank on them because I dont want to be unfair to her. The thing is, I know how manipulative she is. I know how good she could fabricate stories. I've seen my dad lost himself in deep thoughts, i've all his misery because of her and her tryst!
What i do not understand though is the fact that she never was a MOTHER to us. I never felt it. Everyday we live a life with her; instead of seeing the goodness in her as a person, everyday seems to remind me how i do not like to be like her in the future. Everyday is a new discovery of how hypocrite, and selfish she is. Everyday with her makes me stop and ask God why cant i feel that she is a mother to us. I hate to admit it but i hate her. I am angry at her. and i dont know if i can still forgive her. I dont know if she feels the same way... and i dont know for what reason why she treated my siblings and I like were not her own kids. I dont care bout the history.. the curse.. this is what i feel as of the moment...
I just feel sorry for my siblings because living a life like this in the present will affect who they will be in the future.. what will they become and it will surely affect their outlook in life. They live without guidance, without parents tending them, they do what they want without limitations, they dont see a figure whom they will honor and at the same time whom they will love. They are the true victims of my mother's selfishness. But life doesnt stop there.. it wont stop because of her. We will try our best to be the best that we can be without her. She gets all my father's attention and time and leaving us all here at the house...
whatever... karma is a bitch
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
gruff
i hate sudden stops. well just found out that mike has been liking this girl and seems like i cant do anything bout it. He finally said bye and i guess he meant it this time. I just can't imagine how easy it is for him to say that to me. And for the email that he sent, seems like he just wants me to either hate him or dont see him again. So, wit the options that he gave, i guess he doesnt want me to stay no more. Yes im very jealous and hurt coz i didnt see this coming, but i guess i just have to accept the stop and go on without him. He will find another girl and i know he will be happy. and that means leaving me behind with all his promises and our dreams. That really hurts but i have to get a grip if i dont wanna break down. Atleast he will be happy. just too bad because that means the opposite to me. hehe. just too painful at this moment. i know this is it. I shud've seen this coming... i shudve...
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