My mom and I talked. I didnt want her to see me cry, but I did. I felt like I wanna be honest even if that means I will not ever see my famiyl complete again. Its not easy acting divine after all the holocaust and shit. She hurt me, not because she was not the prfect mother I always wish her to be but its because she hurt my dad. The pain reverberates every time I think of this too much, so I didnt pay much attention to this even though the damage is eating me up each day. But now, she asked for forgivess (AGAIN, for the nth time). Who am i to refuse apologies? I know i dont have the right to deny her that but if its not sincere, then maybe we are both fooling ourselves and wasting our time. If I'll forgive her just like that, she might do it again. One thing's for sure... there's no easy way out.
I am greatly hurt for denying her the forgiveness she asked, I felt bothered and scared for I know I have to pay a price in return of my actions. but, she has to learn a lesson the hardest way possible. Not because we want her to suffer but because, we are all bounded by our humanistic nature. We get hurt... and forgiveness is not easy even if God is here for me. It doesnt mean i hate my mother, its just that, I hate what she did and honestly, i still have troubles creating a line between that. Time heals, and im clinging on to that. She is all verbal and i need to see how sincere she is this time around.
Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice.
I hope I have the heart of God to just forgive her right away because I know it that this is the closest thing I could do as a sinner, myself . We all sin... that's given...
But we are also slaves to our own feelings, we get hurt and we dont want it to happen again...
