Im getting alot of sleep on my rest days and im happy about it. What is not so happy about it is that, i was also getting alot of crying over wit someone. It's HIM again. He just can't accept it that I committed a mistake once and he thought im always fooling him. How can i fool someone intentionally? I cant bring myself to that. He is the subject of all my thoughts. Well, i cannot blame him bout that really, but his hostility has been too much to handle. I cannot go on with this because he hates me everyday and everytime we talk. He thinks im a liar, he watch every word i say, he analyzes everything i mean to say. And, im hurt because he is the last person i thought that would do that to me. When i confessed to him about my sin, I had the confidence to tell him even its like 6 months too late because he guaranteed to me that he wont get mad. I thought he means it, and i thought he would understand. Not because it was my intention to hurt and be unfaithful to him but because I am human to commit a mistake. Well he just cant accept that the way i accepted him wholeheartedly.
Even if it hurts, I have to stop it. I dont wanna talk to him anymore because it got no use. He doesnt believe me and the more i say things that more it will aggrevate the situation. Im letting him go even if that means breaking my heart. The thought always makes me cry but this is the least that i can do for him.
That means no more HIM to talk with about everything and secrets and such. No more HIM to email and chat to. No more HIM in the future. He doesnt love me anymore and I cant force him to do that.
Im very much hurt now and I dont know where to start mending this feeling. There is so much bitterness inside me and sad to say, i have to win this battle alone this time. I have to resist because i know this is the right thing to do.
i dont wanna hate him for doing this to me, but as of now, i still feel angry and its hard to admit but im drowning with self -pity and bitterness...
