mike and i talked this friday and everything went wrong. i think he is right about me. im being a freak. i dont know, is loving him much makes me a freak? does asking him honest questions makes me a freak. we can never be on the same page because he lives in the present and i live in the future. and whenever we get into an argument; we pull each other away farther.

and then i realized, im hurting myself whenever he says something that i dont want to hear. and i know i've been wrong about expecting too much from him. i should've loved him and understand him and not pressure him. Im so embarrassed about all of the things i did to him and i know it changes everything. nothing last forever. i love him but he doesnt deserve someone like me. so from now on, im not disturbing him anymore and let him continue his life because i don't want him to be miserable with me. for the mean time, i'll try my very hardest to stand on my own, accept the truth and start living life again, hoping that someone will come in the right place and the right time... or just enjoy being myself. i think i need to love myself before loving others.

i just wish that in time i'd be able to forgive myself for my faults and shortcomings and be happy again and appreciate life. :)

in God i trust