i gotta move on

The pain is still raw and im nothing but confuse. I don't know where to start, how to start.. im nothing. I emailed Mike if we can still be together but I know he understood my point clearly when i broke up with him. I am debating with the pros and cons if i continue to have a relationship with him. I don't feel special anymore but I kind of need him because he is my only friend who genuinely listen to me; and my life kinda revolves around him already. I so damn miss him; the times we spend together, how we just chat about everything. I'm so deeply hurt because I feel like Im being selfish at this time; i feel like i left him just like that. fuck this. im so miserable!! pesteh!