I don’t know what happened. I just loved. As of right now, its not making any sense except for the fact that i really felt that i’ve wasted so much time loving someone who can never stand up for me, worst.. can never show up for me. And now, i’ve been clouded with alot of uncertainties, i felt insecure; i felt that I’ve got no place here for someone anymore. It’s either they are all taken, they are not my type or they’re gay. But im starting to think that even when the pieces of the puzzle don’t seem to fit, eventually, they will in time. As long as all the pieces are jumbled in one place, i know it’ll make a perfect sense.
I never liked someone other than Mike until i found this guy. He is the perfect guy but of course he aint the right one for me since he’s got commitments now. It’s funny how we still see perfection in them when in the first place they’re already bound for someone else. I wonder why this has happened when it’s not going to help me at all. Was it my fault that i was 2-3 years late or is it my fault now that i let him drag my feelings into this crap? I don’t know. It’s kind of sad but at the same time, i felt happy because meeting this guy is a proof that I could like someone not Mike. It’s a sign that I am slowly taking baby steps and eventually would accept things the way they are, though it has to be as painful as this. You get into a series of painful things and you get out in another loop of painful lessons. But still, it’s going to make me stronger... and wiser perhaps. Life is not easy, you have to deal the monsters around you, and its a much harder task to deal with the monster inside you. But, I have to give credit to myself because I know it to myself, though i bottled it up, despite the pain and struggles, I know that I can get through this. I’m going to hold on to that though it seems like im not a lucky girl when it comes to LOVE. I’m not going to try harder anymore, im going to keep love by giving its wings.
