I've been alone for many years and I wish someone would treat me special. Whenever they ask me if I have a boyfriend, I say NO because Mike is not with me, he doesn't give me stuff which I can show to my friends. I don't have anything to let them see that he exists. We don't have memories together, we dont have anything. But why would i even waste effort in proving to them all these. why does it even hurt. Maybe im convincing myself and not them... I have alot of things in mind that I wish I can say to Mike but I know i cant dictate a person on how they would like to treat me. I just wish that one day in time, even just for a day, I would feel special to someone. I want to be recognized by him with my efforts, I want him to comfort me because I want to let him know that its not easy falling in love with someone who can never be mine. Its easy to say to just leave him alone and start all over again but its so damn hard. I would die in heart ache. I know he cant make me feel special I just pray to God that HE would give me more strength to endure this and the gift of understanding that love is not about receiving but its all about giving...
