its been a while!

its been a while since i've dropped by...

ive been stuck with the same thing. taking calls, eating breakfast with mitch, talking online with my virtual boyfriend, and sleeping while im watching people being happy...

i really want to go somewhere far but that means not looking back and starting as a whole new person again. I dont want to open up to people anymore. I dont want them to know me. I feel like im such a loser. I want to get away.. and i really need to plan on that.

i dont want to hide in a shell feeling sorry for myself. feeling envious to the people around me. I want to be happy and im tired being lonely. I want someone.. i want someone to love me...

On this day, God wants me to know...

... that I am not to shut love out of my life by saying it is impossible to find and keep. The quickest way to find love is to give love. If I want it too badly, I will not find it. The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow. If I hold it too tightly, I will lose it...

hahayz...

november rush

7 months in peoplesupport, shall i say exp**ia.

Next year, im planning to quit. I am not certain of the exact date but I know I will. Its a good job. And i am happy that I get to know the feeling of what it is to be a call center agent (people are buzzin on that job). I proved something, I dont something. I earn money (not alot) but most of all, i earn friends.

I am "enjoying" 2 days out of work. And i know this is gunna be a boring one. Consist of doing nothings, stuck at home, and being desperate, wallowing in self pity of how much a loser i've grown myself into..

anyway, I spent the day with M itch. We talked alot about her relationship and i am glad that she'd open up. I can somewhat relate to her because, i myself is in a long distance relationship. It's just that, hers and her bf is more realistic. While mine and mike's are idealistic. I dont know if i should just let go. Mitch made me ponder when she told me not to force things especially if its a long distance relationship. The thing with Mike is that, i dont know what is he thinking. I dont know if he can still handle this. He hurt me alot, and i know his efforts to talk and spend the time with me, but it wasnt enough because i know, in some way or another, he still can push more to to make me feel secured. I mean, he has to do so to compensate the distance. We shared the same effort on this relationship, i dont see why there are times he made me feel im not worth it. If i didnt made any efforts on this, we wouldnt last this long. He doesnt see that. He wants to be laid back. He wants to get in touch when he is not busy, he doesnt understand that i need to know whats up with him from time to time. I love him so much that it hurts. Its gunna hurt more i know because i'd expected too much from this. and i cannot totally blame him. i blame myself. i realized that both of us are still very young, especially him. He has alot of dreams to fulfill while i feel like im stuck in the middle of nowhere in my life. i should let him go, i love him but i need to set conditions.. not conditions, but signs.. and it will start from here...

i need to be strong :(

what's up...

its been a while since i put something in here. God blesses REST DAYS! A week with my new team mates is done and over. Work is stressing me alot and i know im not alone on that. Im planning to quit since i cant hit the metrics and its giving me nothing but heart aches and frustration. lol Im a quitter yeah but that also means im up to opportunities. I thank God for the blessing and the guidance that for all these months since i graduate, He never ceased to guide me and the beautiful things that had happened to me, i owe Him pretty much a big time :)

sad ako

i even dont know what to say. i dont know what matters most in my life right now. I dont know which step to take...

im supposedly in my bed right now snatching every second of sweet slumber that i could get. Instead, myriad of things (which in today's case; bad things) dawned on me. I miss the kissing teddy bears Mike gave me :( I felt so bad because its a memory in the form of something that i thought that will last forever with me. I dont really know where is it right now. Its been missing for the past months and i dont have the guts to tell Mike that i lost it in my own bed. Can u believe that. I treasure it the most more than anything else that i always sleep beside it. I think my brother gave it to his girlfriend. geez what a shame "jack-assy" move. and now its making me simply sad :( :(

Secondly, i know i should be wiser when it comes to dealing money. I've never save anything and im even running out of it! I know for sure that im goin back to school next year to take up more education units and from there im goin to look for more options with life...

hahayz.. sadness just creeps in plus im so pressured for tonight's QA like i need to get 94% to pass QA. If God permits, it would be my highest QA by far. oh gosh things are a little harder for me right now :(