november rush

7 months in peoplesupport, shall i say exp**ia.

Next year, im planning to quit. I am not certain of the exact date but I know I will. Its a good job. And i am happy that I get to know the feeling of what it is to be a call center agent (people are buzzin on that job). I proved something, I dont something. I earn money (not alot) but most of all, i earn friends.

I am "enjoying" 2 days out of work. And i know this is gunna be a boring one. Consist of doing nothings, stuck at home, and being desperate, wallowing in self pity of how much a loser i've grown myself into..

anyway, I spent the day with M itch. We talked alot about her relationship and i am glad that she'd open up. I can somewhat relate to her because, i myself is in a long distance relationship. It's just that, hers and her bf is more realistic. While mine and mike's are idealistic. I dont know if i should just let go. Mitch made me ponder when she told me not to force things especially if its a long distance relationship. The thing with Mike is that, i dont know what is he thinking. I dont know if he can still handle this. He hurt me alot, and i know his efforts to talk and spend the time with me, but it wasnt enough because i know, in some way or another, he still can push more to to make me feel secured. I mean, he has to do so to compensate the distance. We shared the same effort on this relationship, i dont see why there are times he made me feel im not worth it. If i didnt made any efforts on this, we wouldnt last this long. He doesnt see that. He wants to be laid back. He wants to get in touch when he is not busy, he doesnt understand that i need to know whats up with him from time to time. I love him so much that it hurts. Its gunna hurt more i know because i'd expected too much from this. and i cannot totally blame him. i blame myself. i realized that both of us are still very young, especially him. He has alot of dreams to fulfill while i feel like im stuck in the middle of nowhere in my life. i should let him go, i love him but i need to set conditions.. not conditions, but signs.. and it will start from here...

i need to be strong :(