There will always be something that is missing in this life. I've been trying to rationalize this sad truth; and it comforted me to know that it is part of being human. We are never complete; as we live in this world, we seek... We are in a journey that only time can tell and only us can decide on how to go over about it.
I take my case as an example; I wish to have a happy family. We are happy despite of the imperfections, we are together despite of our differences and I guess for now that's all that matters. Even when I have my family with me, I still seek for my mother to change whatever bad attitude she has that I don't really like. There will always be times when I just cant stand her but it doesnt mean that I dont love her. I do, its me and her (human)-- being imperfect that makes me seek more from her. And i know even when I am certain that i cant change her; in the back of my head i still hope or even sigh for it.
I have a job that everybody thinks that I am lucky enough because I get paid big. Truth is, its not big compared to what they think. But I am happy because I feel like I was hired in this "company" they think that only smart people can get in. I feel proud of myself and of course thankful. I dont know if I'm ungrateful enough but I keep on complaining about my traveling situation to and from work. I also can't rent a room because it will be more costly for me. But I always get a grip of myself and remind myself that I am lucky to have a good job.
I'm supposedly perfect but then again, im not. Nobody is. I wish despite of the imperfections, i find myself to be happy and much more thankful. Contented and carefree; to have a peace of mind.
I lastly wish that God will give me someone that could take care of my heart. I've been alone and been wishing secretly that someone would take away my sadness and makes me feel special. I wish it would be Mike but i know he can't give me that. Not because he is busy but because he just cant. I greatly understand our situation; that it will take alot of time for us to be together but for the past months, I never felt wanted anymore by him. I didn't feel important anymore and I need it to sustain myself and to get away from the hurt of not being with him. At least, i am praying that he would remind me i am missed, I am special. What hurts me most is not the physical distance between us but I hate the fact that he seemed to be distant anymore. Whatever I do to be gentle on the situation; he still kept on pulling away and what's worst even when it friggin hurts me, I still persist. Lord God, I never loved this way in my entire life, please let me know if i have to go away... Please give me more strength to hold on and to extend my patience and understanding. Please guard my heart from more pain.
