Dear ....

There are times when I hate myself because I just dont know what to do. I wish whenever I ran into something new someone can tell me what's the right thing to do. We've been cold with each other lately. I knew I had expressed myself that I am tired of this already. I mean it, but it's the last thing I wanna say. I'm tired of missing you. Above all, Im tired of being scared. I know what you've been undergoing for months is overwhelming and drastic. I know I should extend my patience more when you can't be with me like you used to. I've been trying my best to set aside my feelings but still there are times when I find myself asking, "What about me?". You dont remember our anniversary, you forgot my birthday. Im thinking you are just tired and stressed from training but then again my mind would let it pass but my heart can't. You don't like me asking you questions, you leave me whenever you dont like it anymore, you pull away when I feel upset when all I want is for you to comfort me even just for a while. I just needed to be assured that everything will be fine. That you don't mean to hurt me whenever we have an argument but I know i'd be foolish to expect that. I know our limitations, i just don't know how to handle this heavy hearted feeling of mine. I want to pull away but it hurts but when i try to understand you and forget about my feelings, it still hurts me. I'm pulling away to see if you'll pull me back but i now see you drifting away...