it froze

I wish I could elude whatever feelings that wrapped me right now. I wish I would know how it must have really and genuinely felt when Mike sent me an email. I know "this" guy who just came along (a week before Mike graduates) is nothing but a diversion but im caught up with everything. I know that there are things that i indeed had ask for. I remember i was asking for someone to come along to fill in what's been missing. I love Mike but im guilty because I dont want to hurt anybody but if i let go of "this" , i'd be back in misery and loneliness missing Mike. I know im being selfish but somewhere deep down inside, i felt bad because i feel like im using him; and he doesnt deserve it. I miss Mike so much but i feel so bad deep inside. I dont want to lose Mike, not this time but if i tell him about it, i know he will not understand :(