I knew all the while it that was his choice to walk away from me. I was in deep denial by then, it was spiral. Endless spiral downward staircase of dark emptiness; an abyss I so greatly feared. And one day, (I forgot exactly when) I woke up and told myself that I have to stand on my own, that I should bury the thoughts of him and just simply move on. I did. There were lesser and lesser questions in my mind; why he didnt contact me, and what he's been doing, what his daily routine like, if I ever cross his mind. I'll keep my share of pain and hopefully will learn from all of it.
I am moving on. Painfully, slowly but im moving on. I just hate the fact that even when I know im heading to that direction, he still holds something in me. I cant ignore the fact that he still has power over me. He still does because this "him-evasion" is still haunting me, it still gets to me. Every once in a while, in the middle of my reverie, his thoughts would permeate. And i cannot speak on his behalf. I dont know why he left without letting me know. I don't know why if it's because i am being too much on him.... i really dont know why. I just knew I deserve answers and it may be something I cannot find in one single lifetime.
Perhaps, in another lifetime?
