If there’s one person that I wanna thank right now, it would be my dad. I remember my childhood; I wasn’t that close to him. But, he has always been my favorite even then. I felt like I was a nobody to him. Being the second child in the family, I was in a state wherein I bring no recognition and pride to the family. I felt like I didn’t exist because I was too plain to get the recognition that I wanted. The fact is, my sister was an achiever. She gets to be schooled at a good school while I was the opposite, despite of that I remain to be flaccid. I’ve seen my father worked hard for our family. I’ve seen him not seeing me at all. I’ve learned to give way to my younger siblings. I also learned not getting what I want. Growing up with a big family contributed a lot to what and who I am right now. But despite of the crowd, I learned to bottle up feelings inside because I cannot find someone whom I could talk to. I had a big family but that was it. I was so weak then.
I grew up seeing my father as a happy person. He always pulls out a joke that will always burst everyone laughing. He is God fearing and gentle in many ways. I admire him so much, and just couldn’t help but be grateful for having him as my father. I love him even though he doesn’t see me. I love him even though there are times that he doubts my capabilities. I love him even though he once yelled at me telling me im “BULOK”. But, I always believe that he is someone more than those. Seeing my father, I wonder if he could also be someone whom I can talk to. And so, I cling with that hope because maybe someday, God will give us a chance to talk. Maybe someday he would also be proud of me.
So they say that when you come of age, you will be able to understand things more. Now that I opened up my eyes to the real world, I was able to understand and was able to clear my thoughts from the grim things I used to assume about my father not liking me. I used to doubt his love for me as a daughter but now that we’re older, I realized how he loves all of us. Having gone through a lot of trials, he was the one who never left us. In those times, he showed us that his love for us in unconditional. I might prohibit myself to expose the trials we’ve been through but it is in those times that I was able to say to myself that my father was a person who knows how to love. He is a person who knows how to sacrifice. He is a person who transcends from being selfish. He knows when to let go, he knows when to fight. He cried, he accepts defeat, but he is buoyant… he lives on.
And because of that, he became a big part of me. I want his ways to be my guide in times of confusions. I want to be a good person because of him. I want to love someone like the way he loves my mom and us.
There are a million of things to say bout him.. but at this point in my life, I wanted to thank him. I LOVE YOU PA!
