i admit im lonely. im longing. im crying. i shouldnt feel this way because this is suppose to be a great sunday for me.
i woke up very early today. Because of poor architecture, (or should i say no architecture at all), this house is not an abode for rainy seasons. The subdivision's drainage sucks and it floods. Worst rain waters starts getting inside the house. We need to mop the floors, make use of the pails for rain drops in the kitchen and in my room. It sucks really.
But even though it sucks, i felt the need to get all the work done the whole time it was raining. I have to mop and drain the waters inside. Its worst. And i got back pains..
I love rainy sundays, but this isnt my idea of a rainy sunday... :I
tears... tears...
so around 9, i went online to see if my boyfriend is around. And im happy to see him online. its always my initial feeling having to see him on my messenger. Im very much eager to tell him everything.. bout my experiences, my feelings, my sunny side, my fears, my opinions. I know im talking with someone whom i needed the most. but, in the middle of our conversation, we just argue, he doesnt want to talk to me. he doesnt want to trust me. And i felt bad. Really bad that i have to hold back my tears because i cant let them see me crying. Because im not that person who cries. Because im the person who is strong and independent. because im the only person who can strongly convince myself that i dont need someone.. but yet, i kept on hurting because in reality, its not true. In reality, im longing for mike and it hurts because every day is getting farther away from any point of possibilities that we can be together. And im scared. Im so scared. Everyday, he always finds a reason to hate me. to not care for me...
I decided to hang out with one of my closest friend in college. We went to the mall and unfortunately, there are no atms. That means i dont have money. Its frustrating because i was suppose to treat her. I just needed a break. Im so happy having to see Bing again. It has been months and its good to be with someone who knows the real you. Someone, whom you can laugh with and be stupid with. Its a relief having to forget a bit of your pain when you're with a true friend. We had a late lunch at Shakeys and she told me about her guy friends and a guy stalker whom she loathe big time. Wow thats pretty something. Having gone to law school sounds cool and stimulating. I wish nothing but the best for Bing.
We watched the movie GI Joe. We made fun of the movie until the guy at the back was pissed. Damn the hell we care. We're both a big fan of Chaning Tatum but it turns out that Bing liked the "orgen" guy more after the movie. lol
I think the movie effects were too much and we all know that too much is bad. So i dont quite like the movie. They happen to tangle up what's real and what's not.. making the movie inconsistent and unparallel. One thing I love about it though is the part where the girl's emotion and feelings over Chaning prevailed despite of being changed through some scientific shit. Isnt that romantic??
there are alot of things that i didnt understand on the movie and Bing thinks its funny. LOL
We went painting! i so enjoyed it! recreational activities!! I wish one of us bought a cam to capture our little reunion though i fail to see Lyn today. She doesnt want to go to the mall and since i wasnt able to get money, I cant meet her up. Im sure Lyn's very excited to catch up with things especially that her new boyfriend was my former crush when i was in first year college! haha. im so excited for them..
So yeah. its past 12 midnight and i ended the day having a fight with mike. Well its so tiring. im so emotionally stress out. I wanted to be honest to him but i know he doesnt want to hear out my sentiments. its too bad. I think were not goin anywhere. I hope im not masochist enough to permit myself from hurting again and again...
i get fed up and strained emotionally. And there's nothing i would like but be strong for myself in this trial. Being a part of him is not easy and i know its not easy on his part too. we are both hurting and angry... i wish i can just let him go so that he wouldnt have to worry too much about me. I dont want him to feel obliged to be always there for me. I know i've been too much and i know im too bad for not showing him how much i appreciate his best efforts just to be there for me. if there is someone to blame here, then its me. Its all on me and not on him.
it's me... and for that, i cant forgive myself for too many reasons
God, please don't let me lose hope. I dont want to lose myself in this. I pray that we both find our peace and contentment with our without each other.
i woke up very early today. Because of poor architecture, (or should i say no architecture at all), this house is not an abode for rainy seasons. The subdivision's drainage sucks and it floods. Worst rain waters starts getting inside the house. We need to mop the floors, make use of the pails for rain drops in the kitchen and in my room. It sucks really.
But even though it sucks, i felt the need to get all the work done the whole time it was raining. I have to mop and drain the waters inside. Its worst. And i got back pains..
I love rainy sundays, but this isnt my idea of a rainy sunday... :I
tears... tears...
so around 9, i went online to see if my boyfriend is around. And im happy to see him online. its always my initial feeling having to see him on my messenger. Im very much eager to tell him everything.. bout my experiences, my feelings, my sunny side, my fears, my opinions. I know im talking with someone whom i needed the most. but, in the middle of our conversation, we just argue, he doesnt want to talk to me. he doesnt want to trust me. And i felt bad. Really bad that i have to hold back my tears because i cant let them see me crying. Because im not that person who cries. Because im the person who is strong and independent. because im the only person who can strongly convince myself that i dont need someone.. but yet, i kept on hurting because in reality, its not true. In reality, im longing for mike and it hurts because every day is getting farther away from any point of possibilities that we can be together. And im scared. Im so scared. Everyday, he always finds a reason to hate me. to not care for me...
I decided to hang out with one of my closest friend in college. We went to the mall and unfortunately, there are no atms. That means i dont have money. Its frustrating because i was suppose to treat her. I just needed a break. Im so happy having to see Bing again. It has been months and its good to be with someone who knows the real you. Someone, whom you can laugh with and be stupid with. Its a relief having to forget a bit of your pain when you're with a true friend. We had a late lunch at Shakeys and she told me about her guy friends and a guy stalker whom she loathe big time. Wow thats pretty something. Having gone to law school sounds cool and stimulating. I wish nothing but the best for Bing.
We watched the movie GI Joe. We made fun of the movie until the guy at the back was pissed. Damn the hell we care. We're both a big fan of Chaning Tatum but it turns out that Bing liked the "orgen" guy more after the movie. lol
I think the movie effects were too much and we all know that too much is bad. So i dont quite like the movie. They happen to tangle up what's real and what's not.. making the movie inconsistent and unparallel. One thing I love about it though is the part where the girl's emotion and feelings over Chaning prevailed despite of being changed through some scientific shit. Isnt that romantic??
there are alot of things that i didnt understand on the movie and Bing thinks its funny. LOL
We went painting! i so enjoyed it! recreational activities!! I wish one of us bought a cam to capture our little reunion though i fail to see Lyn today. She doesnt want to go to the mall and since i wasnt able to get money, I cant meet her up. Im sure Lyn's very excited to catch up with things especially that her new boyfriend was my former crush when i was in first year college! haha. im so excited for them..
So yeah. its past 12 midnight and i ended the day having a fight with mike. Well its so tiring. im so emotionally stress out. I wanted to be honest to him but i know he doesnt want to hear out my sentiments. its too bad. I think were not goin anywhere. I hope im not masochist enough to permit myself from hurting again and again...
i get fed up and strained emotionally. And there's nothing i would like but be strong for myself in this trial. Being a part of him is not easy and i know its not easy on his part too. we are both hurting and angry... i wish i can just let him go so that he wouldnt have to worry too much about me. I dont want him to feel obliged to be always there for me. I know i've been too much and i know im too bad for not showing him how much i appreciate his best efforts just to be there for me. if there is someone to blame here, then its me. Its all on me and not on him.
it's me... and for that, i cant forgive myself for too many reasons
God, please don't let me lose hope. I dont want to lose myself in this. I pray that we both find our peace and contentment with our without each other.
