Some people enjoy being by themselves, some people have to work at it. Mastering the art of aloneness offers many personal rewards. Mastering aloneness requires some self-reliance, so that you can take care of yourself, including being able to entertain yourself with any one of many interests. There are different types of aloneness. Alone by choice vs. Alone- no choice.
Choosing to be alone and liking it is very different from having to adjust to circumstances in which we must be alone.
Whether we seek to be alone or find ourselves alone, there are some ways to work toward seeing aloneness as an art and then mastering that art.
1. You will need some solitary pursuits: things that are 1-player, so to speak. Reading, listening to music, writing, crafts and hobbies are all broad categories that can be explored individually.
2. Can you treat yourself to something special? If you have relied on other people to do special things for you, maybe it is time that you do something special for yourself. That will expand your concept of self and will help you enjoy being you because special things can still happen, without waiting for other people to treat us to something good.
3. Enjoying aloneness means you can talk to yourself. Talking to yourself doesn't mean talking out loud for other people to hear you and wonder about you. Here it means that you can process experiences by describing things in your mind as if you are going to tell someone all about wha t your heard or saw. You may never actually tell someone all about your museum visit, for example, but you are processing the experience, what you liked, what you didn't and summarizing the visit, not to tell someone later, but to be engaged with what you are doing.
4. Mastering aloneness means mastering quiet, feeling comfortable, and not feeling self-conscious in any way. You will need to accept and truly believe that there is nothing wrong with being alone. In fact, you will need to see that there is so much to do on your own that you actually look forward to your next chance to have time to yourself.
5. Mastering the art of aloneness means you can compliment yourself, you can calm yourself down, you can develop your interests and explore new things without fear or discomfort. Depending on how many things you have done on your own, branch out by trying something alone that you have never done alone before: going to a movie, eating in a restaurant, visiting an art museum, or walking in to a social event without someone at your side.
After you have had time to be by yourself, at home, or out and about, you can overcome fears and misgivings you may have had being alone. Mastering the art of aloneness isn't a complete change of lifestyle. It doesn't mean giving up time with friends and family. It simply means being comfortable and non-judgmental toward yourself, and getting to know more about yourself without fear or embarrassment. Spending time alone may be a condition you actually enjoy the more comfortable you can be with your own company.
