i cannot help but feel sorry for my siblings. Forget about me, but u know, they deserve what is the best despite of the fact that sometimes they are acting like rascals. It all boils down to the fact that our mother abandoned us. Not really abandoned; because she gets to have my dad's support in finding a new house to live somewhere in Leyte. She gets to have the things done in her way. She gets to manipulate my dad like she was a great puppeteer. She knows when to do this and that, she got my dad in a click. Well good for her because someone like my dad loves her so much that my dad is willing to forget her false-hearted, artful and deceitful activities in the past. Well, that's what couples do right? Especially when they turn 40? i mean, is that really a trend? I dont know...
But this is not just about their relationship as couples. This involves family and kids. I dont care how they gunna cope up with the trust.. this is the attitude this time. I realized that she is very selfish... and this wasnt a recent realization but i knew it even when im still in high school. She never wants my dad spend money on us, she contradicts our activities, while she was there getting new clothes everyday, going out with friends and not talking to us. There are still a million reasons why i could say she is selfish, but i dont want to bank on them because I dont want to be unfair to her. The thing is, I know how manipulative she is. I know how good she could fabricate stories. I've seen my dad lost himself in deep thoughts, i've all his misery because of her and her tryst!
What i do not understand though is the fact that she never was a MOTHER to us. I never felt it. Everyday we live a life with her; instead of seeing the goodness in her as a person, everyday seems to remind me how i do not like to be like her in the future. Everyday is a new discovery of how hypocrite, and selfish she is. Everyday with her makes me stop and ask God why cant i feel that she is a mother to us. I hate to admit it but i hate her. I am angry at her. and i dont know if i can still forgive her. I dont know if she feels the same way... and i dont know for what reason why she treated my siblings and I like were not her own kids. I dont care bout the history.. the curse.. this is what i feel as of the moment...
I just feel sorry for my siblings because living a life like this in the present will affect who they will be in the future.. what will they become and it will surely affect their outlook in life. They live without guidance, without parents tending them, they do what they want without limitations, they dont see a figure whom they will honor and at the same time whom they will love. They are the true victims of my mother's selfishness. But life doesnt stop there.. it wont stop because of her. We will try our best to be the best that we can be without her. She gets all my father's attention and time and leaving us all here at the house...
whatever... karma is a bitch
But this is not just about their relationship as couples. This involves family and kids. I dont care how they gunna cope up with the trust.. this is the attitude this time. I realized that she is very selfish... and this wasnt a recent realization but i knew it even when im still in high school. She never wants my dad spend money on us, she contradicts our activities, while she was there getting new clothes everyday, going out with friends and not talking to us. There are still a million reasons why i could say she is selfish, but i dont want to bank on them because I dont want to be unfair to her. The thing is, I know how manipulative she is. I know how good she could fabricate stories. I've seen my dad lost himself in deep thoughts, i've all his misery because of her and her tryst!
What i do not understand though is the fact that she never was a MOTHER to us. I never felt it. Everyday we live a life with her; instead of seeing the goodness in her as a person, everyday seems to remind me how i do not like to be like her in the future. Everyday is a new discovery of how hypocrite, and selfish she is. Everyday with her makes me stop and ask God why cant i feel that she is a mother to us. I hate to admit it but i hate her. I am angry at her. and i dont know if i can still forgive her. I dont know if she feels the same way... and i dont know for what reason why she treated my siblings and I like were not her own kids. I dont care bout the history.. the curse.. this is what i feel as of the moment...
I just feel sorry for my siblings because living a life like this in the present will affect who they will be in the future.. what will they become and it will surely affect their outlook in life. They live without guidance, without parents tending them, they do what they want without limitations, they dont see a figure whom they will honor and at the same time whom they will love. They are the true victims of my mother's selfishness. But life doesnt stop there.. it wont stop because of her. We will try our best to be the best that we can be without her. She gets all my father's attention and time and leaving us all here at the house...
whatever... karma is a bitch
