my tears

they are crazy! they fall all the time. gravity!!

im on TOP of.. Cebu!

my hair just covered my whole face for this perfect jump at Tops

my family :)

mumbles

i never had enough sleep and i was wondering i can have all the time in the world when im dead. LOL

I badly wanted to doze off but my mind is restless it wont give me peace of mind, instead tears welled up like hell and i will start feeling shitty. I guess im a fucked up person with a not so fuck up facade. Sometimes i lack reason to live and just wanted to be numb and just be.. gone!

I do wish i can fix things with myself coz im so tired of living in solitude blaming myself for being so unlucky when I know there are alot of things to be grateful about.

im getting crazier and crazier each fuckin day of my fuckin life i am in despair and im helpless!!

2010

wow. there's so much to be thankful about year 2009 and im looking forward for a better and meaningful 2010.

First, I am so grateful of 2009 because finally i passed the bittersweet years of my academic life. I miss it sometimes but I couldnt be grateful enough to have finish school because....

I am now employed! The shift in my life was great. Everything is so new and I was enjoying every bit and pieces of it even though its exhausting! I gained new friends and met a few interesting people.

But there is also one thing that I wanna improve on for the next year. I guess my spiritual obligations were a bit challenged this year... I've been selfish and self righteous I forgot to call God's presence here in my heart.
I also want to be grateful for all the pain and suffering because I know in time, I would realize why they all came to me. Just that now, Im still in the process of understanding things as to why they cant come like the way we want them to be and eventually accept them with a joyful heart.

One thing that I wanna be thankful about is of course my family. We've been through alot and I know the healing process would take time, I would just love to see them happy...

Im so lucky to have been blessed!!!

I hope God will always be with me and Im hoping for the best in 2010!!! :) im so excited!

its been a while!

its been a while since i've dropped by...

ive been stuck with the same thing. taking calls, eating breakfast with mitch, talking online with my virtual boyfriend, and sleeping while im watching people being happy...

i really want to go somewhere far but that means not looking back and starting as a whole new person again. I dont want to open up to people anymore. I dont want them to know me. I feel like im such a loser. I want to get away.. and i really need to plan on that.

i dont want to hide in a shell feeling sorry for myself. feeling envious to the people around me. I want to be happy and im tired being lonely. I want someone.. i want someone to love me...

On this day, God wants me to know...

... that I am not to shut love out of my life by saying it is impossible to find and keep. The quickest way to find love is to give love. If I want it too badly, I will not find it. The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow. If I hold it too tightly, I will lose it...

hahayz...

november rush

7 months in peoplesupport, shall i say exp**ia.

Next year, im planning to quit. I am not certain of the exact date but I know I will. Its a good job. And i am happy that I get to know the feeling of what it is to be a call center agent (people are buzzin on that job). I proved something, I dont something. I earn money (not alot) but most of all, i earn friends.

I am "enjoying" 2 days out of work. And i know this is gunna be a boring one. Consist of doing nothings, stuck at home, and being desperate, wallowing in self pity of how much a loser i've grown myself into..

anyway, I spent the day with M itch. We talked alot about her relationship and i am glad that she'd open up. I can somewhat relate to her because, i myself is in a long distance relationship. It's just that, hers and her bf is more realistic. While mine and mike's are idealistic. I dont know if i should just let go. Mitch made me ponder when she told me not to force things especially if its a long distance relationship. The thing with Mike is that, i dont know what is he thinking. I dont know if he can still handle this. He hurt me alot, and i know his efforts to talk and spend the time with me, but it wasnt enough because i know, in some way or another, he still can push more to to make me feel secured. I mean, he has to do so to compensate the distance. We shared the same effort on this relationship, i dont see why there are times he made me feel im not worth it. If i didnt made any efforts on this, we wouldnt last this long. He doesnt see that. He wants to be laid back. He wants to get in touch when he is not busy, he doesnt understand that i need to know whats up with him from time to time. I love him so much that it hurts. Its gunna hurt more i know because i'd expected too much from this. and i cannot totally blame him. i blame myself. i realized that both of us are still very young, especially him. He has alot of dreams to fulfill while i feel like im stuck in the middle of nowhere in my life. i should let him go, i love him but i need to set conditions.. not conditions, but signs.. and it will start from here...

i need to be strong :(