Time heals. Sometimes, I wanna believe it. But right now i'm not getting any closer to that, though God knows how I prayed hard to just accept the fact that Mike and I is over. We are over and that is fact. but deep within my soul, there is still this little hope flickering that hoping he would come back to me and... just have me back into his life. This instinct of mine is killing me because i felt that it's too impossible for someone like him to win me back. He never wanted me as much as I wanted him. He made me believed and made a fool out of me for all this time, and I am mad at him and mad to myself but still im still in love with him. I needed the courage to go on but he keeps on invading my mind; and in annihilation, I can't help but shed tears every night when i go to sleep. God knows how much I wanted peace of mind, God knows how much I would love to invite forgiveness in my heart and accept the things that I cannot change but im just... simply.. am badly hurt. I'd love to have him back but I'd be too selfish to force myself to someone who doesn't want to fight for me anymore. I don't understand why he caused me this enormous pain yet I needed him to cure me as well.
I know its not healthy to wallow on self pity and thinking about it all the time, so as much as I wanted to distract myself, i still end up with myself, asking myself-- what have i gotten myself into? :(
