eat pray love and eat again! hellow there 2012!!

I cant say hello to 2012 without looking back at 2011. I have a lot of shortcomings and mistakes in 2011 but im happy with it because im going to head on to 2012 with a lot of lessons learned from 2011 (which is by the way, 6 hours gone now). I realized that I have a lot to work on for this year. Loving myself and celebrating my individuality is probably the biggest challenge that Im going to work on for this year. That is why I will claim 2012 to be my year. Im claiming it as early as now. I know I cannot change who I am but I can be better. I am positive. I have a lot of discouragements this year and this year must have been the saddest year for me because something inside me has died. This year was all about LEAVING. About feelings being gone for good, people going away; basically about goodbyes. Not only that, the passing of the people whom I truly admired still breaks my heart. Their passing reminds me so much of life and I have to learn how to treasure every moment by doing the things that I really want. I don’t want to be passive anymore. I don’t want to pretend that I don’t care when I really do. This 2012, I wanna be who I am. It will be about goals, checklists and to dos! Its now or never. Life is too short to waste. Really. It will be about doing the things I want, it will be about not being shy of what I really wanna do, it will be about independence, it will be about taking the risk, it will be about food, it will be about friends, it will be about forgiveness, it will be about sweetness, thoughtfulness, selflessness. It will be about being receptive, understanding, and being sensitive to others. It will be about the BETTER things in life. Help me welcome 2012 with a positive heart. It takes courage to run the engine, but hey don’t forget the key, DETERMINATION!

I like the quote. I've been reading quotes online; just to prove myself that I am not the only person who is feeling this way. I wanted my suffering to end and start anew in the coming year. I wanted to be a brand new person again. God knows how much I would be willing to pay for just to take the most difficult baby steps to letting go and moving on. I seem cant move on. I want to forget everything but i just cant. I can't because I know what we had was real. I felt it. It made me happy at one point though I wont deny the fact that it hurts me as much too. But it was real. How I wish I can talk to him again. Even for the last time. I would love to know if he is doing well. And I wont ask anything anymore. I leave it all to fate, to time, to destiny... to God. I pray that I would let go of the bitterness so that I can love myself again. Please Jorge you can do this!

people always say follow your heart. what if ur heart keeps telling you to follow the same stupid shit over and over again? what if our hearts can never be trusted? unposted entry 12/24/2011

its christmas

There is no way to put them in a much better wording... but, I indeed had a Merry Little Christmas last night with my family. The money I saved and spent paid off when I know I made them happy. But really, they say gifts are not important, what matter most is that everybody have each other. I totally agree, but its much better if we give our loved ones small stuff to remind them how grateful we are that we have them in our lives. J

Christmas this year is kind of hard especially that some of my friends were affected by the flashflood in Mindanao. I tell you, its horrible. The magnitude of the damage is quite overwhelming. Lives were taken, hopes were shaken, people gone missing... its ugly. I had a little chat with my dear friend Cha and its sad to know that she’s given up praying. She just lost her mom this year and days ago, her grandma passed away becauseof the said flashflood. I can’t imagine what these families had gone through. I can’t imagine how they will rise again, how they will be able to build hopes now that something/someone has been taken away from them forever...

I didn’t have much to say, i just knew time will heal.

As usual, we spent Christmas at home and we did the usual gift giving. Here’s my lovely family.

The good life

1. Do something for someone else

- I listened to a friend who is currently mending a broken heart L. I know how important it is to being listened to especially in times of sadness and despair

2. Do something for yourself

- I bought MONIEGOLD chewy tamarind candy for myself. Indulgence!

3. Do something I don’t want to do that needs to doing

- Of course, I would pick SLEEP for this answer!

4. Do a physical exercise

- This summer I will enrol in aerobics in a nearby gym. For the mean time, formulating this thought is a mental exercise

5. Do a mental exercise

- Doing this list is a mental exercise ;p

6. Do an original prayer that always includes counting blessings

- Dear God,

Thank you because you’ve given me wonderful and amazing parents. They always wake up in the middle of the night just to drive me to work. I feel so bless more than ever.

And the best way to keep love is to give it wings

I don’t know what happened. I just loved. As of right now, its not making any sense except for the fact that i really felt that i’ve wasted so much time loving someone who can never stand up for me, worst.. can never show up for me. And now, i’ve been clouded with alot of uncertainties, i felt insecure; i felt that I’ve got no place here for someone anymore. It’s either they are all taken, they are not my type or they’re gay. But im starting to think that even when the pieces of the puzzle don’t seem to fit, eventually, they will in time. As long as all the pieces are jumbled in one place, i know it’ll make a perfect sense.

I never liked someone other than Mike until i found this guy. He is the perfect guy but of course he aint the right one for me since he’s got commitments now. It’s funny how we still see perfection in them when in the first place they’re already bound for someone else. I wonder why this has happened when it’s not going to help me at all. Was it my fault that i was 2-3 years late or is it my fault now that i let him drag my feelings into this crap? I don’t know. It’s kind of sad but at the same time, i felt happy because meeting this guy is a proof that I could like someone not Mike. It’s a sign that I am slowly taking baby steps and eventually would accept things the way they are, though it has to be as painful as this. You get into a series of painful things and you get out in another loop of painful lessons. But still, it’s going to make me stronger... and wiser perhaps. Life is not easy, you have to deal the monsters around you, and its a much harder task to deal with the monster inside you. But, I have to give credit to myself because I know it to myself, though i bottled it up, despite the pain and struggles, I know that I can get through this. I’m going to hold on to that though it seems like im not a lucky girl when it comes to LOVE. I’m not going to try harder anymore, im going to keep love by giving its wings.

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

TUESDAY

You know this impulsive side of me. I went to Robinsons and bought stuff to stuffed inside the Fridge. I get to have this feeling to splurge when I know I dont have enough money any longer. I enjoyed most part of it; got a couple of drinks (because fridge looks good with assorted drinks on it :p), bought something for breakfast, tissue papers, shampoo.. anything random that I could pick, i gloriously toss inside my shopping basket. It's crazy but i kinda noticed i get jumpy when i dont have enough funds and just buy whatever I see in my way. Its weird coz i know it has to stop but kind of funny as well. hehehe

POSITIVITY

I should realize that drowning myself into self pity is a downhill slide. I know I got to get a grip and though it’s hard to go against gravity, there’s no way im pulling myself down anymore. I know it’s a sluggish process but there’s no way up.

And as an effort, Im going to list down things I do well, the things that make me feel good and the things that make me feel proud of myself one day at a time. Im going to hold on to the beautiful things in life no matter how small they are. I’ll try my best to not be so hard to myself, to others and to my few enemies. J

Just like today, I typically hate Mondays because Im usually stuck at home and got nothing to do. I hate it because it reminds me of bad things! But right now, I dare to be a little different, though just a while ago I felt “bad” again, Im kind of enjoying my morning today because I get to talk to my old friends at work in FB. Hahahaha.. as always, it feels crazy talking to them and I can’t help but laughed over those stupid talks. I so miss them and all themore, it helps me appreciate Fb so much.

what now

I have my own version. I have my own trails, have my own bruises and have my own reasons. Love can be very profound, but its something very personal. I usually equate LOVE to DNA. Everyone has it.. in their own special ways. I had mine. As of this time, its like a candle and anytime soon, I know it'll die out on its own. And, while i still have the time, I have to capture the pain and live for it and indulge on it and once its out of light, i know i have to accept it. I have go to do this on my own.

There's no point of blaming yourself or somebody else, you just have to rely on the bigger picture out there. Lay all your hurts and pains to God and ask for His guidance and He will carry you through and lay you in a much better, safer place... and you will be like a precious GEM, and once again, you will find beauty in life. And you will love again. :)

i wish

my vision; we go watch movies together, share the same drinks and pop corn, we hold hands, we kiss, we laugh in the dark. that u will show up anytime with flowers for me. that u will cook for me. u drive me and we go anywhere on a road trip, that we will be together always.

all the luck in the world

Cabin Crew. I'm very excited to give it a try. There is so much reasons why I would want it. It's every girl's dream job, I could travel for free, I would be paid more than enough that I can imagine, can help my parents, and I know I want this. I hope God will give me a miracle. I know im not beautiful and im not perfect but I aint losing hope. there's nothing wrong about believing. I hope God will help me. I need this :)

my dream

you were my dream. I built my world around you but as time passed, I realized life wont work that way. But even so, I still wanted to be with you. Now that we're a little older, things has changed. I'm not talking about small changes, I believe, things has greatly changed and it scares me everyday. Each day reminds me of the difference, the distance, and the heart aches. I told myself not to worry too much because however this thing will end, i could say it to myself without regrets that I have loved you with all my heart, that I did everything for love until nothing has left. I will love you more and more each day until there's nothing left but numbness and acceptance that you're gone. I hope that you are alive and safe wherever you are right now.

i'll wait till the day im totally free and i'll pray to God that someone will come and take care of me this time. :(

BEDROOM IDEAS

My sister and I share the same bedroom. We don’t have enough room for everybody at home but I don’t mind because I love being with her. But I am actually dying to flicker the artist in me (though im not sure if I even have one) and wanted to do my bedroom a major make over. Our room is very tiny and it doesn’t have clear four corners. Here are some ideas I got online. I know they’re impossible to replicate but I just love love the designs and hopefully can get ideas out of them.

Oh the internet is just awesome! :)

HOME

I decided to move out of my boarding house. It seems like I stayed out for a long time but it was a good 4 months being on my own. At first, I was very thrilled with the idea but as time passed by I realized that all the while Mike was correct. I felt so much alone; I even had my first breakdown in my whole damn life. I felt the need of my family with me. So I decided to come back and I know my dad was happy of my decision and so as my dear sissy and my mom too. I felt like I don’t need to be far from them because I got no other time but now to be with them. As I grow older, I realized how time could fly and how precious every second of life is. Im glad Im home.

so true

WHY DO BEGINNINGS HAVE AN END?

Why do beginnings have an end? Whydo we have to meet only to lose in the end?

These are questions left unanswered, word left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled. In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It's as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you’ll be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of love that was meant to be a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us even knowing why and we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come not as single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always remind you of him. It’s like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are four billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.

I dont know if it’s worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals wounds but it takes push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with a happily ever after.

We hate to suffer if it would mean happiness to others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pain. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It’s something we cant control, something we have to live up with.

It’s over, he’s gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesnt always mean forever.

There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere, somehow, someday.

from: clickkk

changing

How time flies! Arghhh.. I always get to say that. It’s because I always feel like I’ve done nothing much all of my life. I wish I can scrape off negativity for once. Im just thankful I have my weekend off from work. I think I needed it. Hopefully, I can go to church tomorrow because I needed it. I haven’t talked to God that much anymore. I got really busy with my family and not to mention my aunt’s passing. I am sad to see her leave, I felt guilty for not reconnecting (even in facebook) with my aunt when I still had the chance. I hope she is in a better place now and I will continue to pray for her. My aunt’s passing brought the family together. Relatives from afar gone home for this moment of togetherness and solitude. Tita Tiny’s passing is instrumental. I had a great time with my family. Thank You Lord. Tita Tiny, Rest in Peace. Here's a vid I found :)

waking up feeling a little sad

I woke up feeling sad because i thought of Mike again. I wish he is doing good right now. I just miss him so much and I am not used to not hearing from him. As always, I hate monday. I know I should do something today to ease my boredom. SO maybe im going to google stuff and try to cook something new or do whatever that could take up my time for today.

Again I hate mondays!

October

It's my Birth Month! I hate it, but im turning 23! it sounded OLD to me but I vow to stay young... at heart at least!

I HAVE TO to get a DSLR, a TAT, LAPTOP, PURSE, MAKE UP, iPHONE on my birthday! LOL.. but seriously, I crave for those but a birthday with my family and few treasured friends would be enough to celebrate life :)

breakdown

i didnt know what happened last night but i felt like the world was closing in on me. I cannot move, i was too scared, my heart was pounding and my mind cant stop about thinking of bad things. I felt so alone for the very first time, and for the very first time, I wasnt scared to admit it to my sister. Im glad that my parents we're there to pick me up and I had to go home because I cant stand being alone at my boarding house. I just wanted someone to be there for me. I can't sleep and I was awake for 24 hrs. I felt so bad and I had to skip work and worst, I didnt call because I cant find a better excuse.

Please God, have mercy on me. I wanted to be a better person but I can't be weak like this.

dear mike

i know ur no longer mine. would like u to know that without u its been so hard. i cant sleep for days now thinking about us, i've been sacred, miserable and sometimes i just wanna die because even when i tell myself to be strong, u still haunt me every second of the day. I know this time, im losing you forever. i will continue to love u until nothing's left. i hope one day everything will be a little clearer.. better.

september stinks

everything stinks. i lost mike forever this day.

hate u mum

i got two days off work and as usual, i'd spent the first day alone at my own place. I didnt go home because i wanted to spend my day without having to think of anything or without flickering any remorse feeling to my mom for even just a day. I gotta admit, i've been too hard to myself and i've been too hard to my mom. I just felt so sad because I know my family is breaking apart. I used to hate it when my mom would spank us but life was simple back then. She was a terror but I knew my dad was in love with her, so i didnt mind her being hard on us. But now, its kind of different. She turned into something that i cant fathom. I wish God will forgive me for feeling this way, at the same time, i wish I could tell my mom how i hate her and why i hate her so much. I'd rather see her leave us than stay at home and not care at all. In my eyes we are someones whom she is done with. Her role as a as a mom expired way back when she abandoned us years ago. It's kind of weird how I used to pray to God to keep our family as a whole but now that i've grown up, I am left with no reasons to believe. I guess we're all better off without her, and Im praying to God that I hope she would just leave. She is one of a kind and she is very special in some bizarre ways... too bizarre that i cant even put them into words. All i know is that we are not friends, we never were. And i feel sorry for myself because I got a physical mom but i feel like i got no one to lean on to, to confide with and to be friends with. And i know, it is something in my lifetime that will remain to be always and always missing. I probably won't ever experience it any longer. I know that we can't change her any longer because that is who she is and that's how life made her to be. I just wanna stay away from her, think she doesnt exist and pray that I would have a heart of stone so that I dont need to get hurt all over again. I hate her and it hurts. that's all i know.

dear mike,

i thought about the convesation we had and i think that you might be right about breaking up. It’s the last thing i wanna do because i love u so much. But its time for me to stop being so idealistic and just face the truth. You made me the happiest when you returned your love to me, you showed me hope that someday we can go through all these and be together, and of course you get me all worried to death when u were sick. But now i guess its time to let you go so that you wont be pressured and so that u wont need to worry about keeping ur word to anyone. I want u to enjoy your life. I understand that its very hard for you to go out of your convictions and from what you believe in. And even when it hurts, I have to respect it. I realized that I have no right to impose anything on you. I'm sorry if I sounded too desperate because I'm just soo vulnerable about this whole thing. For 6 years, im so scared of losing you but one way or the other, eventually I have to face it it all alone because we're not on the same page anymore. I just cant find any reasons to hold on because you're not giving me any reasons at all anymore. You meant everything to me and I know I may not mean that much to you. But don't worry because I'm not going to kill myself or do something stupid, I just wish i would but i wont. I believe you're not worth it if I do something crazy. I hope you could live a meaning life ahead and I will always hope all the best for you. And even though the thought makes me cringe, I hope you could find someone you can genuinely love as I would pray that someday I would learn to trust with myself again about love and hopefully in God's mercy I could find someone again that I could love just as I love you.

If you need a friend I hope you could remember me as one. You know I'd love to listen to you. I'm just an email (as always) away and I hope I can count on you as well. After all, we started out as friends. I wish we could find our ways to forgiveness. Im never gunna give up on you, Im just letting us go because we both know we deserve more than this.

Just promise me you will take care of yourself.

I'll always think about you,

Jorge

dear mike,

i thought about the convesation we had and i think that you might be right about breaking up. It’s the last thing i wanna do because i love u so much. But its time for me to stop being so idealistic and just face the truth. You made me the happiest when you returned your love to me, you showed me hope that someday we can go through all these and be together, and of course you get me all worried to death when u were sick. But now i guess its time to let you go so that you wont be pressured and so that u wont need to worry about keeping ur word to anyone. I want u to enjoy your life. I understand that its very hard for you to go out of your convictions and from what you believe in. And even when it hurts, I have to respect it. I realized that I have no right to impose anything on you. I'm sorry if I sounded too desperate because I'm just soo vulnerable about this whole thing. For 6 years, im so scared of losing you but one way or the other, eventually I have to face it it all alone because we're not on the same page anymore. I just cant find any reasons to hold on because you're not giving me any reasons at all anymore. You meant everything to me and I know I may not mean that much to you. But don't worry because I'm not going to kill myself or do something stupid, I just wish i would but i wont. I believe you're not worth it if I do something crazy. I hope you could live a meaning life ahead and I will always hope all the best for you. And even though the thought makes me cringe, I hope you could find someone you can genuinely love as I would pray that someday I would learn to trust with myself again about love and hopefully in God's mercy I could find someone again that I could love just as I love you.

If you need a friend I hope you could remember me as one. You know I'd love to listen to you. I'm just an email (as always) away and I hope I can count on you as well. After all, we started out as friends. I wish we could find our ways to forgiveness. Im never gunna give up on you, Im just letting us go because we both know we deserve more than this. Just promise me you will take care of yourself.

I'll always think about you,
Jorge

I've been meaning to write about everything that my heart's been feeling lately but i always got no time. I remember when i was still in college what I want. I always picture out myself living overseas. Living somewhere far and nice. I was idealistic by then, but now I know how it could demand a good amount of time, effort, money and courage. I hadn't taken any steps yet but if i will really start doing something about it, i know it wont be easy but I know i can make it. I have to think about what Mike had told me, I will be missing my family, and it's going to be hard all alone by myself. It's all true, I would agree but I wanted to know how it is like to stand on my own, to live somewhere entirely different and to just... just escape from here. I love my family more than anything else but other than that, I don't have much reason to stay and just be stuck right here. I wanted to experience the world. But honestly, I don't know where to start.

WORK: There's not much about work except im tired of doing the same thing over and over again and im upset because people at work can't see me as someone who can do something more. So after I failed twice to be an SME, I decided not to care about my scores and I would just hope that someday soon I would find a reason to be good AGAIN. After failing to get the pose, I come to think that maybe this is not the job for me because I lost the passion and taking calls is not a passion at all, so i really can't see myself taking calls for a long time, and I don't get paid that much too and its one of the reasons why I'm so disinclined to work. HOWEVER, despite of all these, there's this thin thread of a reason to stay; one is, im working for one of the biggest company in the world and second, I have fabulous workmates who could somehow brighten up my day at work. As of right now, I'l hold on to those very reasons until I find a way and opportunity to travel or to do something that I'm really passionate about.

LIFE: Mike was my life. But not anymore. I cannot rely my life, my feelings and my heart to him because I realized he's no good. What he is only good at is chatting with me online. I bet he could do that all his life and here I am letting myself down and be fooled. I hate him, I hate that I love him so much I could wait forever. I hope I'd find the courage to understand his reasons and forgiveness to be gentle to myself and not be resentful about this whole mess. I wish I'd find myself to peace again. I wish I would come to love myself more before loving someone else. As of right now, for me it is over. It's been over 6 years and nothing has ever happened. This is not normal so i'm walking out of this misery and start living my own life. I will be the only one who will define my life and not someone else. And I'm so guilty about all of these because most of the time, I know I have forgotten that God is there with me. I guess I failed to call upon His Name. I would like to look at this as a treasure and a very valuable lesson instead of a failure. I know it's too angelic for me to say this but I will try my very best to look at it that way. My family is here and I got friends I guess. If Mike wants someone to talk to, I'll be there for him because I know he needed someone to stand by him and not leave him. It's just too bad that he can't see me as someone who would stick with him no matter what. If I we're given the chance, I'd share my whole life with him but I guess this is something impossible. I wish i'd stop thinking about the future with him because obviously we're not on the same page and maybe that's why after 6 years, nothing has happened.

FAMILY: We're all healthy and that's something I'm really thankful of. Though there are problems in the way I guess we're still intact though there are holes in between. It's my mom and I wish I'd be more understanding and loving before it's too late. She spends like crazy and we're running out of funds because of her to the point that my dad is about to just give up on her. We don't want to give up on someone in the family because we value our family that much. So I pray for the strength, enlightenment and change for the better. I miss my brother who is currently in Palawan. Though the distance hurts, I am happy for him that at an early age, he is able to live on his own and I am certain that he will grow up to be a good man. We all owe this to my father whose presence and support molded us to be so caring about one another and to of course to my mom who most of the time has her own eccentric ways which helped us to be more decisive at all times and to be more considerate for others needs instead of just thinking about ourselves. Though there are cracks threatening to break our family, Im confident that we can at the end survive all these. After all, my family is God's greatest gift and somehow because of them, I feel im still the luckiest.

:>

i have a pretty packed up weekend. I swapped schedules with Cha and have to work later (in about an hour and some minutes) because her family is coming over for the weekend. I didn't realize its gonna be mum's birthday tomorrow. I hate split RDs but I dont mind swapping my schedule with Cha at all its just that I always have troubles sleeping early on a Saturday and having to wake up waaay early because the shift starts an hour earlier. But can't complain much though, I love the Sat Shift, though they cut off our lunch break into 30 mins, calls are not that much and we get to leave 30 mins early too :)

So having said that; I barely had 4 hours of sleep for today and decided to buy mom a present so that I can go home right away after work. I dont know what's the plan for mum's bday but I bought her a pair of earrings. Its really nice though they are just fancy (lol) but they, they look elegant and sure do mum will like it. (i hope so)

Well, i'll get back to u my bloggie because its time for me to roll.. ciao! :)

happy-ness and sad-ness

Why is it that it's so hard to write about being happy and too easy to write about the sad, lonely ones? Maybe because happiness is very hard to contain; and sadness is just too hard to ignore because it lingers, it kills us everyday.

gotta read

made me cry

my battle

There are times that I do things without really thinking at all. I didn't get the SME post at work. And to my surprise, I left a little bit feeling wrecked. Before and during the application I didn't think much about it because I'm on a 50/50 status about the new role. Half of myself wants to get it to satisfy my sense of pride. Yes, my pride. I don't have problems taking in calls every night but the thought of seeing other people not taking in calls creates endless of bubbles made of envy and they; believe me, keeps on passing right in front of my very eyes. It annoys me and I wanted to plunk them hard so that they will disappear on my eyesight. But, of course I don't hate my friends at work. They deserve the post but I think I deserve it too and too bad for me coz they can't see it. other half of myself doesnt want to get the post because for the simple fact that I don't like the management. I never liked them. And not liking them is another story that I could write for a day. Anyway, to make it short, I was confuse. But now that I didn't get the post, I lost all my reasons to work. I don't feel like working any longer. I didn't expect that there'd be more confusion after this; but quitting work anytime soon this year would open up a new world for me. This feeling of confusion is a blessing though because I know I got alot of options. But what I wanted to do is to put up a business and for a while stop working as an employee or I can also take advantage of my teaching profession now that I am licensed to teach and pave years of teaching experience so that I can work overseas and so that I can travel.

But behind all of these, im trying to learn from my mistakes. That, One you can get what your heart has desired only for the right reasons and two, that it's never healthy to compare yourself to someone because it will do nothing but hurt you. And whose to blame? no need to look around because its you. Its easier said and done but reflections such as this can make you become better. I do hope that by God's grace and mercy, He will enlighten me and in return, eventually, I would get to see how beautiful I am as a person.

I love you God.

dear blog

i miss u so much :(

:) my dad and US!

Bruno Mars - Grenade [Official Music Video]

Bruno Mars - The Lazy Song [Official Video]

i wish i would stop hating my mom

Who am I to expect her to be perfect? No, she's not, not even an inch close to it. She has her own monsters inside and most of the times, she can't control em. I wish she can be more compassionate about being a mom to us. I wish she stops thinking about herself only. I wish she would start being selfless this time. And I wish she would stop being so self righteous. She thinks she is perfect. The constant words coming out from her mouth when she speaks to my dad are, "AYAW LAGEH ANA DAD" In my head, I would reply, "The nerve.."

That's her. She speaks like she is perfect. She cheated, she doesnt care about home, she has her own little place in Leyte, she earns a decent amount of money but never contributes to the home bills. I wish God will enlighten her but more so, I pray that I would have the heart to forgive her, accept her for who she is not! I just can't bear her being so self righteous to my dad when in fact she's the one who failed to what she ought to do. One time, my sis told me that my dad decided to end it all with my mom, I personally, just like my sis.. is okay with it. I guess with all the things she shouldn't do to us, we're okay and better off without her.

Everything Happens For a Reason

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be; your roommate, your neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem horrible, painful and unfair, but in reflection you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would never have realized your potential, strength, will power of heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of the soul.

Without these small tests, if they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smooth paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. Safe and comfortable but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life and successes and downfalls you experience, they are the ones who create who you are. Even the bad experience can be learned from... Those lessons are the hardest and probably the most important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart... forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.

Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

I wish you all the best in your endeavors as well as struggles in life. Have a fighting spirit and never hesitate to get back in the struggle!

Dads Blessings

A young man was getting ready to graduate from college. For many months he had admired a beautiful sports car in a dealer's showroom, and knowing his father could well afford it, he told him that was all he wanted.

As Graduation Day approached, the young man awaited signs that his father had purchased the car. Finally, on the morning of his graduation, his father called him into his private study. His father told him how proud he was to have such a fine son, and told him how much he loved him. He handed his son a beautifully wrapped gift box. Curious, but somewhat disappointed, the young man opened the box and found a lovely, leather-bound Bible, with the young man's name embossed in gold. Angry, he raised his voice to his father and said "With all your money, you give me a Bible?" and stormed out of the house, leaving the Bible.

Many years passed and the young man was very successful in business. He had a beautiful home and wonderful family, but realized his father was very old, and thought perhaps he should go to him. He had not seen him since that graduation day. Before he could make arrangements, he received a telegram telling him his father had passed away, and willed all of his possessions to his son. He needed to come home immediately and take care of things.

When he arrived at his father's house, sudden sadness and regret filled his heart. He began to search through his father's important papers and saw the still new Bible, just as he had left it years ago. With tears, he opened the Bible and began to turn the pages. And as he did, a car key dropped from the back of the Bible. It had a tag with the dealer's name, the same dealer who had the sports car he had desired. On the tag was the date of his graduation, and the words PAID IN FULL.

How many times do we miss Spirit's blessings and answers to our prayers because they do not arrive exactly as we have expected?

LOVE AND TIME

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

Make a Difference

A man was walking down a deserted Mexican beach at sunset. As he walked along he began to see another man in the distance.

As he grew nearer he noticed that the local native kept leaning down, picking something up, and throwing it out into the water. Time and again he kept hurling things out into the ocean.

As our friend approached even closer he noticed that the man was picking up starfish that had washed up onto the beach, and one at a time, he was throwing them back into the ocean.

The first man was puzzled. He approached the man and said, "Good Evening Friend, I was wondering what are you doing?" And he replied, "I'm throwing these starfish back into the ocean. You see, it's low tide right now and all these starfish have been washed up onto the shore. If I don't throw them back into the sea, they will die from the lack of oxygen."

"I understand," my friend replied "but there must be thousands of starfish on this beach and you couldn't possibly get to all of them. There are simply too many and don't you realize that this is happening on hundreds of beaches up and down this coast ... can't you see that that you can't possibly make a difference?

The local native smiled, bent down, picked up yet another starfish ... and as he threw it back out into the sea, he replied, "It made a difference to that one!"

You may feel like you cannot make a difference in the world today, but you CAN make a difference in one life at a time.

Puppies For Sale
	By Unknown

A store owner was tacking a sign above his door that read "Puppies For Sale." Signs like that have a way of attracting small children, and sure enough, a little boy appeared under the store owner's sign. "How much are you going to sell the puppies for?" he asked. The store owner replied, "Anywhere from $30 to $50." The little boy reached in his pocket and pulled out some change. "I have $2.37," he said. "Can I please look at them?" The store owner smiled and whistled and out of the kennel came Lady, who ran down the aisle of his store followed by five teeny, tiny balls of fur. One puppy was lagging considerably behind. Immediately the little boy singled out the lagging, limping puppy and said, "What's wrong with that little dog?" The store owner explained that the veterinarian had examined the little puppy and had discovered it didn't have a hip socket. It would always limp. It would always be lame. The little boy became excited. "That is the puppy that I want to buy." The store owner said, "No, you don't want to buy that little dog. If you really want him, I'll just give him to you." The little boy got quite upset. He looked straight into the store owner's eyes, pointing his finger, and said, "I don't want you to give him to me. That little dog is worth every bit as much as all the other dogs and I'll pay full price. In fact, I'll give you $2.37 now, and 50 cents a month until I have him paid for." The store owner countered, "You really don't want to buy this little dog. He is never going to be able to run and jump and play with you like the other puppies." To his surprise, the little boy reached down and rolled up his pant leg to reveal a badly twisted, crippled left leg supported by a big metal brace. He looked up at the store owner and softly replied, "Well, I don't run so well myself, and the little puppy will need someone who understands!" We ALL need someone who understands!

my little girl

love ko 'to

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all up hill, When the funds are low, and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As everyone of us sometimes learns, And many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don't give up though the pace seems slow. You may succeed with another blow Success is failure turned inside out, The silver tint of the clouds no doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It may be near when it seems so far, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's when things seem worse, that you must not quit. Author:- Unknown

A strong woman works out every day to keep her body in shape ... but a woman of strength kneels in prayer to keep her soul in shape... A strong woman isn't afraid of anything ... but a woman of strength shows courage in the midst of her fear... A strong woman won't let anyone get the best of her ... but a woman of strength gives the best of her to everyone... A strong woman makes mistakes and avoids the same in the future... a woman of strength realizes life's mistakes can also be God's blessings and capitalizes on them... A strong woman walks sure footedly ... but a woman of strength knows God will catch her when she falls... A strong woman wears the look of confidence on her face ... but a woman of strength wears grace... A strong woman has faith that she is strong enough for the journey ... but a woman of strength has faith that it is in the journey that she will become strong... Send this page to all the "women of strength" you know.