I'm Missing You

First day of June and 10 days without hearing from mike. It felt so empty without him and it silently breaks my heart. I miss him terribly that all i could do is reach for him here in my heart. I know he misses me and it makes it all much harder. 8 more weeks and thinking about it is pure agony. I hope and pray that everything is well about him. If there's one thing that I learned from waiting and missing him, its to strengthen my faith to the Lord and pray that everything will work out according to God's plan. I'll be strong coz that's the way it is.. This song is for Mikey...

3rd day 1st week

Im literally counting the days and i hope i'd soon forget how to count so that i wont miss him more. I get alot of time for myself too and trying to enjoy life alone. I miss him soo soo much but oh well, I leave all to God. I just hope he is fine and is thinking about me too...

I woke up early and its torture! Now i feel like i wanna sleep more but i need to drop Miko off to his rehearsals. Well that's good too because i get to go out and not just stay at home. It was a little crazy though because we have to wait for like 2 hours for the others to come. I was like, "whaaat!!" inside. LOL. Good thing though that the gym has a nearby park and we get to enjoy the place. Its the typical pinoy park but im so amazed that its so clean!!! :D I wish i had take a pic of it, but then again, i'd remind myself that my camera was killed. LOL

So now, im here at USC. good thing i get to stay here at the cafe (air conditioned!!!) and exploit the internet. haha.. and of course get to see Judy...

well, that's all folk, im so tired of the narration here. lol. God bless me and mike :)

1st day 1 wk

im counting the days. first day without mike... waahh.. i cant explain it.

anyway, Im so touched with Hershey, she always keep me company and she was incredibly sweet this morning when i woke up. maybe she sensed im sad :(

im praying God will protect and guide my mike :)

adding salt to a wound

im running out of time to spend with mike. barely 3 hours. i went online at 11pm thankful that my sis is not around yet, but it frustrates me that mike went online at 1am just as time for my sis to get home and use the comp. now im running out of time... im so frustrated.

how do u cry in silence? how do u get angry by keeping calm? how can u stay strong when all u wanna do is surrender

dear blog

do i deserve this? whenever we spend time, he ended up sleeping coz he cant help it and he feels sleepy. even when we dont have enough time to spend anymore, even when i like to spend every minute of him, i still feel the need to compete because he feels sleepy and needs to sleep and i know the right thing is to give way and let him sleep even when it means we cant talk. im so damn tired having to race just to get not just his time but attention but i know he didnt mean it. i dont know. its bullshit.

Love is missing someone whenever you're apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you're close in heart...

Okay. No here it is. Mike is leaving tomorrow. The real test is here. I got alot of mixed up emotions right now. Honestly, im happy that this might help him improve his life. Honestly, im sad because that means not talking to him in 9 weeks. God knows he is the only one i talk to. Honestly, im worried because i know things will change after 9 weeks as if the 9 weeks is not enough to cause me pain. Honestly, im scared because i know even when these things are happening, we still wont be meeting each other real soon. And i am scared because i've spent so much years waiting for him, im scared nothing will happen. But isnt this the real meaning of love? Giving in, sacrificing, not asking something in return? I dont know what will happen so im still holding on to the fact that i love him and will wish for what's best for him. While im goin to search for myself, live in independence, not expecting too much from him yet praying for the best. One thing's for sure, im so hurt right now i wanted to just cry and drift away :(

i will miss you baby...

I finally found the best title of this blog. I think that's best describes me, like even before when my problems and frustrations are not as great as what i have now, i was suicidal. i am bitter, i am sad, im the greatest pessimist ever alive on earth... and i dont deserve someone special in my life. because im broken beyond repair. I will die sooner or later feeling like the greatest loser in the whole wide world. Every thing is painful in my life, and i dont know how to be grateful because i keep asking for more than what this life could offer me. Im asking someone to love me, be there for me and someone who can make me feel i am not alone. of course, God thinks im too ambitious to ask for that, yet here i am, getting a fool of myself, expecting too much. ive had alot and now i think God should atleast, for one time grant my wish, I WANT TO DIE.. now

scream.

i wanna scream out loud. tears wont stop. im a failure. i loved someone and decided to get involved into something impossible that it just gave me heart aches, pain, frustration and shit.

i wonder what's more effective, jumping off a building or swallowing rat poison which i have an easy access to

fkjelte

i cant help feeling bad. im here by the comp, alone. mike is not online anymore. i wanna die bec i cant get what i want. its frustrating. even the smallest thing i want is impossible.

im so tired of being frustrated. i put my fone to vibrate but i wasnt able to wake up when mike emailed me. i woke up when my sis came home which is very late and then i read mike's messages. i have to wait till she finishes using the comp. when she finish using it, mike then emailed me that he's goin somewhere. now im here by the comp, feeling like shit. i feel like im always running to get something that i cant. i hate the chasing part. im frustrated big time. im a failure anywhere i go

love love love

cutie onion edited pic

shit

Im feeling like shit right now. i feel like i wanna disappear in this world; floating in nothingness and not feeling anything at all. Im so tired of everything. I feel like every people, every situation and instances are not on my side. Is it too much to ask to be happy? I feel like shit towards my siblings. feels like shit with mike. everything is messed up. i just wanted to feel im important to them but i know i might have been asking too much!

its a beautiful day

comp is back! hehe

done submitting my requirements though there are documents that i missed out, the heck, im goin to forget about it just for today and enjoy my stay at home (bec my vacation mode would soon be over!)

though im kind of anxious on what awaits me on my second job, i dont have a choice but embrace the challenges coz there's no backing out!

im also excited how its gunna be like without mike for 9 weeks. (im making this positive as possible). I mean we've never been out of reach THIS long!!! love sick love sick love sick!!

i'd bathe Hershey by the way :D

Dear Mike,

I cant find one word that can exactly describe what im feeling right now that you're leaving in less than a week. Im honestly feeling sick about it, literally, i feel chills over me. I feel anxious and depress and scared. But im also hopeful and happy that you're on your way to fulfilling your dreams. I got alot of emotions in me that sometimes i cant hold back tears. I wish you're here to wrap me around your arms and tell me everything will be fine, to assure me that this will work. But i know im not getting any of that :(

I would like you to know that, you are my heart. You are every single beat of it.

This might caused us heart aches but we will hold on because we love each other.

This might be painful but it will bring out the best of our relationship.

This might not be a smooth ride but we're sure we are getting somewhere on this.. together.

You're my sweetest dream...

and I know I am meant for you.

I wanna be honest by telling you that this kind of relationship is never easy for me and i know that sometimes you feel that way. But someone like you comes once in a lifetime so i'l do my very best to be strong here on my own and i hope you'll promise me to do the same.

Before I ran out of time, I want to THANK YOU for treating me so special despite of our situation. I felt your sincerity, your passion and love and because of that, I know deep inside I found my soul-mate in you.

I will miss you so very much like crazy and whatever happens, you can always come home to me. and If u miss me, remember us in paradise; happy and just us :)

"If I fall

If I break

If I lose myself in someone

If I give all I am it'll be with you

When I'm ready to take

All that you want me to give

It will be worth the wait

Worth the wait

It will be worth the wait..."

I LOVE YOU Mike♥

LOSING

Election is not just about who wins. It’s also about losing. Looking at the widespread gap between Noynoy and Erap, I know it’s a landslide victory for Noy and his supporters. Honestly, I’ve seen it coming. But it never once crossed my mind casting my vote on him so that Villar wont win the election. I personally think it was pathetic and foolish. I was never convinced by this man knowing the fact that I never heard of his name on the issue of corruption, but I’d rather choose GORDON over NOY. I cant seem to forgive myself voting an idiot whose not even smart enough to carry on a presidential debate to lead the highest position of the government in this country. Im a die hard supporter of G1BO from the very start because I believe in his capacity, integrity and ability to be a firm leader in this country. I didnt know him at first but his gesture and his positive way of campaigning made me stop facebooking the hell out of me and found myself researching more about him... And i know He is the best man for the job, NOT a retard who run just because his parents are known to be heroes in the past!!!

But enough of that, election was over. With a painful 3million votes for G1BO all over the country that one Noy supporter might laugh. Thing is, I know G1BO did not lose the fight because he won the hearts of the youth long before May 10 and Noy cant ever do such. G1BO was successful in this journey because he showed something new in PHILIPPINE POLITICS, he modelled being an excellent student during his academic years, he displayed humility and professionalism during his campaign, and I know he inspired the youth so much in a lot of ways. (The comments on his FB page is overwhelming!) We were defeated by numbers but I was thinking that by not voting wisely, we Filipinos are putting our future at stake. With uneducated people outnumbering the professionals, the popular candidate will surely win even when he is rubbish and downright incompetent. Though, I don’t like even an inch of the newly elected-president, I need to respect the majority’s decision but of course not forgetting that there's still a big piece of 60% who did not vote for him. Knowing the fact that majority of Filipinos are living below poverty line, its given that most of them don’t have the resources to research and im sure just like many of us, they might be busy with some other things not giving a damn to be "critical thinkers" even just for once. I definitely agree with G1BO that there is a POVERTY of the MIND in the Philippines!

wonderful morning!

i woke up with Hershey today. She is so sweet :D:D

its a monday and i think i really need to look for a job and get it on with life... i just dont know where to go. haha im so undecided but i know there are alot of people whose feeling the same way. i want to take the road less traveled. wee..

for the mean time, im getting busy with alot of things. first, i wanted to know and read facts about wut the hell is goin on with Noynoy because im so annoyed by him big time. lol

second, im making mango float later to keep me afloat

and third, work on with my requirements for the LET.

May God Bless me and my tender heart always ♥♥

==================================

Yesterday, my family supported G1BO Teodoro for president. He is the most eligible candidate for presidency. My faith in him is unwaivering and will try to advocate more people by propagating facts in my FB page. I heard his interviews, debates, reforms and plans of the country during his clean campaign and i know he has the heart to sincerely help our country. I hope the Filipino people would be wise and vote for him instead of voting NOYNOY AQUINO!!