Dear Blog,

As usual, I already make it a habit to wake up so early and lead Hershey outside to play. The sight of her being really happy, jumping for joy makes my heart smile even though Champy ignores her presence. haha. its very funny though how dogs have unique attitudes. Sometimes, i feel sorry for Champy and im a bit regretful why we never gave him the attention before. Anyway, he is still loyal to us and i rub his belly more often now. He is such a sweet dog like Hershey :)

mumbles

I sleep the day away with Hershey. She is actually a good buddy for a sleepyhead like me. She loves to sleep!!!

I admire all the presidential candidates. It takes alot of courage and standing up to do especially in Philippine Politics (the independents).

I still go for G1BO and my trust is unwavering.

waaahh

i hate doing things that i dont want to do but i feel like i dont have a choice. i dont want to let micth down but i am not prepared to apply in JP Morgan. I still enjoyed here at home. but i just cant say NO to her. So lesson learned, im so bad at saying NO, i should learn to practice it.. tsk tsk

my first saddest bloG!

my first saddest bloG!

The fact that I can’t do anything added the credence of this heavy feeling. Im just watching everything happen. Then it dawned me that it’s really the way it is. Who am I? I am nothing compared to God. I am nothing.

He is miles away from me. I know he needed me there at his side… but I just can’t be. Even though it would mean this would be the first and the last. He is fighting for his life, while im here pretending that everything is fine. Pretending to smile, pretending to be the old jolly Jorge they knew. I am fighting back the tears that involuntarily well down my eyes. Everything around me is screwed up. I am not certain how can I be of help. I don’t know what to do with all these. Maybe because I have loved him from the diminutive chance God has given us. The chance I wanted for the second time around… the chance I wanted so badly.

This is what I call the “time thief” chapter of my life. They said, time is something to be treasured; it’s the only thing that can’t be turn back. Now, that added my wretchedness. Time is indeed a treasure for me. I treated time as my friend because it’s the benchmark of my love for him. Time for me is waiting. I used to wait for him in days, days that turned into weeks. Weeks to months. Months to years. Until I found out that he’s on the edge of his life, I wonder if this would be my price to pay for waiting for him patiently. Personally, time is of a great essence to me. In fact, my favorite part of the bible is all about time. That everything has its own time. He inspired me to wait.. He inspired me to be patient because he’s got a ticket of time to fulfill his promises to me. When I found out he is sick, I turned for my favorite verse in the bible for refuge. I keep on seeking answers from it, but I just can’t find one. But, even though answers to my questions seemed to be so vague than ever, I never gave up hope. I never gave up from believing that this is just an obstacle. . I never hated time for this, Coz im willing to wait forever, as long as he’ll meet me there. Sure I can tolerate the degree of pain only if he’ll promise me to stop the time for us and spend the moment with me forever.

When I found out he only had 24 hours to live, my world seem to drift. I looked at the things around me… speechless, and at a nanosecond, everything dropped its sagacity to me. I wanna stopped the time. It can’t be happening, how can I prove to him that he means the world to me in 24 hours when he is on the other side of the world? How can time be so selfish to me after all the years of waiting and holding on to him? They can’t break me that kind of news! They cant! They just cant… As much as I wanted to blame God on this, I cant because our life isn’t ours in the first place. It’s God’s property. We would never know God’s plan for us. It opened up a world of Hope to me. I hugged a world of hopes coz it’s the only thing that’s left to me. I know he’ll not leave me. Not this time… I may be frightened to death but I know God is there for me. I ask God for miracles, and for the first time of my life, I felt God in me. He made it through. I was euphoric at that time and I just can’t thank God enough. Several days went, my faith was tested again… when his friend break me another news that he needs a critical surgery. And he only got 25% chance of survival at the process alone. Time knocks on my doorstep again. Then I doubt if time was there to visit me as my friend or foe. How can time get so stingy? I prayed more, I lay all my faith to God, I meditated. He’s not leaving me behind. He knows I’d be miserable if he will. Myriad emotions are all on me. It’s like it’s so heavy that I wanna break down. But I gotta be strong because he told me to be strong for him.

Now, the surgery is done. He’s in coma. The state where doctors never expected him to be in. healing is something by faith. Living is something by heart. I know if he wants to survive and fight, he will… I just hope God would see that.

I always say we exist because of the people and the dreams we love. I still believe in it coz that’s what he is fighting right now…

Sorrow looks back, worry looks around, faith looks up. I just have to believe…

difference

conflicts are everywhere. i always get into a fight with my boyfriend because there are things we don't agree upon. Most of the time, it exhaust the hell out if me. It frustrates me because I feel like he is not getting somewhere near my point. they always say there are two sides of every story. As a literature student, i agree so. The story will depend on the speaker's point of view. I think we always fall short to that fact. there are times that we take time to hear the other side but we dont really listen. We still go for our perception... and I am always on that position when getting into a fight with mike. in relationships, there will always be one who will need to give in. and because i love him so much, i think im always the one who gives in and apologized to him. When i think about it, i feel like im a fool for always being sorry about everything. Not because he is always right but because i dont want us to stay mad at each other... and im happy because i never thought i could swallow my pride like that. The wonders of love....

there are rare moments too when he's the one to say sorry to me. its so sweet and he knows i always believe in whatever he say. i love the sporadic sweetness he sometimes made me feel.

the most important thing when in a relationship is the the ability to respect one another. and i know i need to work on that real hard since were very different, but i'l definitely stretch my patience and understanding just as to avoid conflicts... there are really just times that i cant hold back my temper and i really need to raise my point..ohh geezz here i am again. lolz

anyway, this is for him:

I'll watch the night turn light blue.but it's not the same without you because it takes two to whisper quietly.the silence isn't so bad till I look at my hands and feel sad 'cause the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly

champy kept on ignoring hershey

this was yesterday when I decided to let Hershey play with Kuya Champy...

my l♥ve