how to see the light in the dark

how to see the light in the dark remains to be a mystery to me. i feel like, its something really impossible. now that i got mike back and promised God of some stuff, now im back on my knees again. i've reached the red bar again and im running out of strength. i'd like to to think that my heart is stronger but each passing minute sends bullet into my chest. i felt like i died a thousand times. my mind says i have to be thankful that he'd given me the chance, but my heart questioned this chance. my mind says its okay coz i tried, but my heart is stabbed a million times. my mind says to move on but my heart weeps and dont want to beat again. my mind says to focus on my family and friends but my heart searched for him. tell me god pls if its a NO. give me a sign..