i know im being a pain in the ass. and i know im gunna get anything good for my birthday. i know i just lost mike...
I know that he did all his best to make us work and there's no question to that. I ended up hating myself more because i wasn't able to understand him when i should've given it to him. And now i know im losing him.
I've been very hurt not because he loves me less but because i kept on thinking bad things about him and us. I am hurt because everyday, reminds me of not being with him. I get crazy without hearing anything from him because i know i might lose him anytime and i might not be there for him. I love him so much that it hurts me. i love him so much that it hurts him so bad. I wanna love him without being too scared to death. I wanna love him without having to leash him on the neck. I wanna love him without being hurt and i know its impossible. I wish i'd been more understanding. I wish i'd been more trusting. I wish i'd been better.
I wanted to die but there's also a part of me that wanted to be strong. I wanted to be better if ever he is not gunna talk to me again. I'd wanted to tell him how lucky i was with him before i could let him slip away...
oh gosh, i didnt know it'll hurt like this. it feels like my world is crashing down :( :( i dont even know if i should continue to hold on or just let him slip forever....
