And the best way to keep love is to give it wings

I don’t know what happened. I just loved. As of right now, its not making any sense except for the fact that i really felt that i’ve wasted so much time loving someone who can never stand up for me, worst.. can never show up for me. And now, i’ve been clouded with alot of uncertainties, i felt insecure; i felt that I’ve got no place here for someone anymore. It’s either they are all taken, they are not my type or they’re gay. But im starting to think that even when the pieces of the puzzle don’t seem to fit, eventually, they will in time. As long as all the pieces are jumbled in one place, i know it’ll make a perfect sense.

I never liked someone other than Mike until i found this guy. He is the perfect guy but of course he aint the right one for me since he’s got commitments now. It’s funny how we still see perfection in them when in the first place they’re already bound for someone else. I wonder why this has happened when it’s not going to help me at all. Was it my fault that i was 2-3 years late or is it my fault now that i let him drag my feelings into this crap? I don’t know. It’s kind of sad but at the same time, i felt happy because meeting this guy is a proof that I could like someone not Mike. It’s a sign that I am slowly taking baby steps and eventually would accept things the way they are, though it has to be as painful as this. You get into a series of painful things and you get out in another loop of painful lessons. But still, it’s going to make me stronger... and wiser perhaps. Life is not easy, you have to deal the monsters around you, and its a much harder task to deal with the monster inside you. But, I have to give credit to myself because I know it to myself, though i bottled it up, despite the pain and struggles, I know that I can get through this. I’m going to hold on to that though it seems like im not a lucky girl when it comes to LOVE. I’m not going to try harder anymore, im going to keep love by giving its wings.

The Band Perry - If I Die Young

TUESDAY

You know this impulsive side of me. I went to Robinsons and bought stuff to stuffed inside the Fridge. I get to have this feeling to splurge when I know I dont have enough money any longer. I enjoyed most part of it; got a couple of drinks (because fridge looks good with assorted drinks on it :p), bought something for breakfast, tissue papers, shampoo.. anything random that I could pick, i gloriously toss inside my shopping basket. It's crazy but i kinda noticed i get jumpy when i dont have enough funds and just buy whatever I see in my way. Its weird coz i know it has to stop but kind of funny as well. hehehe

POSITIVITY

I should realize that drowning myself into self pity is a downhill slide. I know I got to get a grip and though it’s hard to go against gravity, there’s no way im pulling myself down anymore. I know it’s a sluggish process but there’s no way up.

And as an effort, Im going to list down things I do well, the things that make me feel good and the things that make me feel proud of myself one day at a time. Im going to hold on to the beautiful things in life no matter how small they are. I’ll try my best to not be so hard to myself, to others and to my few enemies. J

Just like today, I typically hate Mondays because Im usually stuck at home and got nothing to do. I hate it because it reminds me of bad things! But right now, I dare to be a little different, though just a while ago I felt “bad” again, Im kind of enjoying my morning today because I get to talk to my old friends at work in FB. Hahahaha.. as always, it feels crazy talking to them and I can’t help but laughed over those stupid talks. I so miss them and all themore, it helps me appreciate Fb so much.

what now

I have my own version. I have my own trails, have my own bruises and have my own reasons. Love can be very profound, but its something very personal. I usually equate LOVE to DNA. Everyone has it.. in their own special ways. I had mine. As of this time, its like a candle and anytime soon, I know it'll die out on its own. And, while i still have the time, I have to capture the pain and live for it and indulge on it and once its out of light, i know i have to accept it. I have go to do this on my own.

There's no point of blaming yourself or somebody else, you just have to rely on the bigger picture out there. Lay all your hurts and pains to God and ask for His guidance and He will carry you through and lay you in a much better, safer place... and you will be like a precious GEM, and once again, you will find beauty in life. And you will love again. :)

i wish

my vision; we go watch movies together, share the same drinks and pop corn, we hold hands, we kiss, we laugh in the dark. that u will show up anytime with flowers for me. that u will cook for me. u drive me and we go anywhere on a road trip, that we will be together always.

all the luck in the world

Cabin Crew. I'm very excited to give it a try. There is so much reasons why I would want it. It's every girl's dream job, I could travel for free, I would be paid more than enough that I can imagine, can help my parents, and I know I want this. I hope God will give me a miracle. I know im not beautiful and im not perfect but I aint losing hope. there's nothing wrong about believing. I hope God will help me. I need this :)

my dream

you were my dream. I built my world around you but as time passed, I realized life wont work that way. But even so, I still wanted to be with you. Now that we're a little older, things has changed. I'm not talking about small changes, I believe, things has greatly changed and it scares me everyday. Each day reminds me of the difference, the distance, and the heart aches. I told myself not to worry too much because however this thing will end, i could say it to myself without regrets that I have loved you with all my heart, that I did everything for love until nothing has left. I will love you more and more each day until there's nothing left but numbness and acceptance that you're gone. I hope that you are alive and safe wherever you are right now.

i'll wait till the day im totally free and i'll pray to God that someone will come and take care of me this time. :(

BEDROOM IDEAS

My sister and I share the same bedroom. We don’t have enough room for everybody at home but I don’t mind because I love being with her. But I am actually dying to flicker the artist in me (though im not sure if I even have one) and wanted to do my bedroom a major make over. Our room is very tiny and it doesn’t have clear four corners. Here are some ideas I got online. I know they’re impossible to replicate but I just love love the designs and hopefully can get ideas out of them.

Oh the internet is just awesome! :)

HOME

I decided to move out of my boarding house. It seems like I stayed out for a long time but it was a good 4 months being on my own. At first, I was very thrilled with the idea but as time passed by I realized that all the while Mike was correct. I felt so much alone; I even had my first breakdown in my whole damn life. I felt the need of my family with me. So I decided to come back and I know my dad was happy of my decision and so as my dear sissy and my mom too. I felt like I don’t need to be far from them because I got no other time but now to be with them. As I grow older, I realized how time could fly and how precious every second of life is. Im glad Im home.

so true

WHY DO BEGINNINGS HAVE AN END?

Why do beginnings have an end? Whydo we have to meet only to lose in the end?

These are questions left unanswered, word left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled. In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It's as hard as breaking a crystal because you’ll never know when you’ll be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of love that was meant to be a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that’s the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us even knowing why and we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come not as single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always remind you of him. It’s like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are four billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other.

I dont know if it’s worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals wounds but it takes push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with a happily ever after.

We hate to suffer if it would mean happiness to others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pain. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It’s something we cant control, something we have to live up with.

It’s over, he’s gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesnt always mean forever.

There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere, somehow, someday.

from: clickkk

changing

How time flies! Arghhh.. I always get to say that. It’s because I always feel like I’ve done nothing much all of my life. I wish I can scrape off negativity for once. Im just thankful I have my weekend off from work. I think I needed it. Hopefully, I can go to church tomorrow because I needed it. I haven’t talked to God that much anymore. I got really busy with my family and not to mention my aunt’s passing. I am sad to see her leave, I felt guilty for not reconnecting (even in facebook) with my aunt when I still had the chance. I hope she is in a better place now and I will continue to pray for her. My aunt’s passing brought the family together. Relatives from afar gone home for this moment of togetherness and solitude. Tita Tiny’s passing is instrumental. I had a great time with my family. Thank You Lord. Tita Tiny, Rest in Peace. Here's a vid I found :)